List me do

My blogging skills (if you could ever call them that) have completely vanished. I also need an ability to write a CV that will make CIMA think that I've had enough experience as an accountant to become fully qualified. I expect even a blank piece of paper will make CIMA think this as the yearly membership fees pretty much double once you're fully qualified.

Anyway, seeing how I've run out of things to say I'm going to the lazy guide to blogging and see if they have any ideas for... Hmmm, no not really had any interesting food, nothing funny happened at work*, ah this one sounds easy enough to do.

New things I have bought this week

• Scott Pilgrim 2. Seeing how play didn't have this in stock when I ordered it, I got it from my local comic shop. Which took two weeks to arrive. It's very good though & is the only comic book that Freya likes. Sorry Gillen I tried.
• An Optimus Prime mask that makes me sound like a very camp robot. I still love it though.
• The latest SFX came through the post. It looks alright, but I'm really starting to like DeathRay. Except that it has about five highly self indulgent pages and very poor page design.

That's all I can think of. Cheerio!

* Although I did make someone laugh by saying "A lot of people have been born in Germany". I foolishly left out an important word "A lot of English people..."

A total shower

Just spent a long weekend in Munich. Was highly enjoyable, but three annoying things happened:

• Missed on Kieron Gillengan and Jamie McKelvie's comic signing at Travelling Man. Bah.
• Stayed at the Hilton in Munich. Which sounds good, except it had a shower that never stayed at the same temperature. This resulted in constant Fat Boy Slim style mixing of the hot and cold taps. And me nearly burning my feet off.
• Flew with Easyjet. Was delayed both times. The second time it was because the tyres went flat when the passengers got on board. So Easyjet had to fly spare tyres in from Stansted. Resulting in a five hour delay. Meaning that (once we got through a massive passport check at Stansted) we got home at half ten rather than four thirty.

Other than that, beer is amazing. And I want to work in Japan.

Time for a joke

I remember a letter in Amiga Power that mentioned the best line to say when someone mentioned Timbuktu. It was: "Tim bucked two? I haven't even bucked one yet!"

I had a similar joke which I had never had the opportunity to use. Until today. Gary was moaning about how everyone at the office was away next week.

"Ben's off. Craig's off. Matt's off. Helen's off."

I saw my chance.

"Dino's off too."

Gary looked at me strangely as though he was trying to work out who the hell Dino was in our team. Then he realised. And laughed.

So it was a funny joke. My work there was done.

Unfortunately it was 11 and I had to stay for another four and a half hours.

SQUASH UPDATE:

Last week I finally beat Natalie at squash, but it was decided that this was because she had eaten two sandwiches rather than one. Indeed we drew again today. After I went 3 games ahead & then faded A-Rod style to let Natalie draw three all. I did manage to smash the ball against the back wall and reach the front wall which was a personal target I managed to hit.

But then I played Helen who was rather good at squash and she wiped the floor with me. Bah.

Boo Radleys, JATMC, Oasis

I'm incredibly rubbish at doing anything that involves creating anything. My artistic side has never developed past drawing people with googly cartoon eyes. As soon as I could I got rid of my Art and Technology lessons for German and Double Science.

I can remember my Dad teaching me ("posh word for sewing" - ed) in Middle School. For this we had to design and make our own pencil case. So I did one about Nottingham Forest. Except with my amazing foresight and planning I did the kit sponsors name too big so it had to go on two lines. It read:

Shipsto-
nes

And, yes, I cared so little about my work that I put the hyphen in.

In art I can distinctly recall my art teacher being really impressed with a feather I was sketching in chalk/charchol. Apparently I was quite good at copying the individual lines of the feather. But I decided that this was because we were coming up to choosing our options for GCSE and he wanted me to choose Art. And I wanted to get as far away from Art as possible.

Which is why I was dreading Friday at work. Because, in some weird attempt at 'team bonding' it was decided that we would paint a local charity's office. Having no interest in DIY I was not happy about having to do this. This pretty much nullified any chance of success the day was going to have in making me part of the team.

It didn't help that the rooms we had to paint had desks that were too big for the rooms (making it impossible to open the door fully or put ladders up), had cork boards that we had to take down using scrapers (leaving my hand bloody and the wall looking terrible) and that I was so rubbish at painting that the original paint colour was still peeking through.

So my handyman career ended the same day it began. However thinking about it I have created one thing I think looks alright. It's a Sophie Ellis Bextor desktop background. Here it is: