Witness the fitness

As befits someone who recently got married I have let myself go a bit.  Whereas I was previously a slim, weak man with a bit of a pot belly I am now a slim, weak man with a bit of a pot belly and a beard.  This obviously makes a huge difference to my lifestyle, which consists of sitting around playing videogames and eating chicken goujons with reggae reggae sauce.

I think my body works fine from the waist down as I walk to work (excluding the 25 minute train I catch in between walking to and from the stations) and don't get out of breath.  Sometimes I do get a little sweaty, but that's mostly due to me wearing a big coat in anticipation of cold weather & the Sun deciding to boil me slightly.

No, it's always been my arms & belly that require the most work.  My belly seems to attract all the spare weight I have, but my arms get thinner and thinner in comparison.

So I got the Wii Fit board out of storage and decided to give it a go.  After being gently chided for not going on it for over 100 days I started playing the put-the-balls-in-the-holes game as a warm up.

Then I did some squat thrusts which weren't too bad, so I decided to do some jacknifes to work on my belly.  Easy peasy.  At least for the first few jacks, then for some weird reason my lardy belly thought that it didn't like doing this & it started to hurt.  Lots.  The worst thing was that the gym trainer lady was late for the session due to sleeping in too late and seemed to be taking it out on me.  "Keep at it.  I may be hungover, but seeing you in pain is making me feel lots better."

I hate that woman.  She never cuts you any slack.  Much like a trainer in a real gym.

I decided to finish with a press up session.  Now I really hate the Wii Fit press ups.  Not only do they make you do it really slowly, but they also make you move onto one arm in an attempt to prolong the agony.  So I gave up.

The woman gave me some grief, but I didn't really care as I could see her do the press ups and noticed that her top was really scary.  You could see her cleavage, but it was perfectly covered by her top.  Not like it was a lycra top, but more like it was painted over like those women they occasionally have in Sports Illustrated issues.

The gym lady scares me.  I would choose the man, but he is also scarier and I worry about what I will see when I do the squat thrusts.

Premature Awake-ation

I'm ill. As usual it's just a really bad cold/sore throat that has made me spend this weekend not doing a lot and falling asleep during the day. Now, I hate falling asleep during the day as I just feel it's a total waste of the day. Although considering I usually spend the weekend on the PC or the Wii, it's not that much more of a waste. Still, I consider falling asleep during the day to be very much an old man's game and always shy away from it.



This didn't used to matter as I would always spend the weekends waking up at around 11am. But recently I've been waking up around the same times I do to go to work, which is 6.15am. And my body can't take it.

I have a few reasons for this. One is that our bedroom curtains are feeble, and let the light in at the earliest opportunity. I spent eight years living in Germany where they use heavy duty blinds and you wouldn't have a clue what time it was when you woke up. So you went back to sleep.

Also, next door have a really screamy kid. We have thin walls. This combination results in an alarm that is worse than the Meatballs alarm ringtone I made. And unfortunately, Sophie doesn't have a snooze button.

The other thing is, by noticing, this I've realised I'm getting old. I'm at ease with it though as sleeping appears to be the only problem I have with it.

Hair in my nose? When you graze your nostril and feel an unusually long hair, it feels great to pull it out. Plus it's stopped me from picking my nose so much as this is more fun.

Going bald? Yeah I could do without touching places where my hair was and finding nothing there, but it happens. Plus I'm starting to get Mr. Fantastic style grey side bit, which I reckon look alright.

A large belly? That seems to have stopped since I quit booze. Walking to the train station also helps.

But waking up before seven on a weekend? That's just wrong. Going to sleep when you could be watching Hole in the Wall? What a waste of time!

P.S. I realise this blog has made little to no sense. But I point you to my first sentence. I'm ill. Do you people not have any compassion?

Stars on your thighs

Well it turns out the fretting over the non-arrival of the Word CD was for nought. They've sent another one without any problems.



I don't like tattoos and find it hard to believe why someone would find it useful to have a reminder of their girlfriend's name on their arm, or of their favourite game character, or a Japanese kanji symbol that they're not quite sure what it means. But at least they're original. Something that not many other people will have. Which is why I really don't understand why so many people are getting five pointed stars for tattoos.

It seems that the people who get these are the emo kids. But it's pretty obvious if you're an emo kid without having to have a tattoo on your arm. Especially one of a really rubbish star.

And why are they all five pointed stars? What's wrong with the six pointed star (er your link explains that - ed)? Or even the eight pointed star? Now it could be argued that they're pentagrams and therefore highly mystic. But they're not connected. Instead you look like a military buff. With a dodgy haircut.

The main problem I have with the stars is that they remind me of the bit in Ghostbusters where Bill Murray is testing a girl and a boy at ESP using cards. Now if all these people got tattoos in reference to Ghostbusters that makes sense, but why hide it in such an obscure manner? I asked someone if my theory was true. He replied, "that it's true - this man has no dick" which was obviously some stupid in joke I didn't understand. I left him and played Zool on my CD32.

Cheerio!

This

entry is going to be boring due to lack of enthusiasm and me feeling as though I'm in a Phil K Dick novel.

Doing things by halves

I heard some people talking about when you feel you're old enough to no longer talk about your age in terms of halves and quarters. I don't think I've ever done that which means I must be very mature.

At least, part of me is. Did I mention my wisdom teeth have only just come through and I had them taken out yesterday? And I'm 27 and three quarters.

Another total shower

After not updating for two weeks my page has shown an increase in number of viewers. This just goes to show something, and for once I know what that shows. However, I am now prepared for the drop in viewers as I write my latest blog.

I think my bad luck with showers is continuing. Recently the skin on my hands and eyes started getting bad again. My hands got really dry and started itching. In fact, my fingerprints have totally changed when this first happened three years ago. Finally I can admit to that big job I done where I got my mate right strung up like a kipper.

My eyes are even worse. They get really sore so I inadvertently rub them, causing the skin to peel off. Then they start to weep. Which makes me want to rub them even more. Eventually I end up with eyelids like a lizard. It made for interesting pictures from my University days when my eyes always seemed glazed over.

So anyway, my skin started getting bad again so I went to the Doctors. As usual they were useless. They didn't offer me any cream for my eyes other than the standard E45 (which I can get anywhere) and just asked me questions about if I was happy at work and at home. Stress might play a part, but I've never felt worried enough about work to keep me up at night. I guess as I'm near prime suicide age that came into play too.

Luckily I had someone without medical expertise on the case, but someone who could solve the problem. It was Freya. Who asked "Have you changed shampoo." Except with a question mark at the end of her sentence.

No I hadn't but I had changed back to my old shower gel - Original Mint Source. So I went back to another shower gel. Hands went back to normal straight away, eyes are taking a bit longer but are no longer weepy.

But shame on you Original Mint Source! Why don't you say anything about the fact your product causes bad reactions in those with delicate skin. Oh, it says 'Uses essential oils which causes reaction in some skin types'. So I went through two years of terrible skin due to my inability to read. Thanks eyes. Thighs.

There's an old man sitting next to me...

...making love to his tonic and gin

My life is constantly like a film. Usually it's Office Space, but over the weekend it's been Army Of Darkness.

Specifically it's the scene after Ash swallows a mini version of himself. Yes, I have an eyelid on the side of my neck. Well, not really, it's just a really large spot but it sure feels as though an extra head is trying to push its way through.

I'm trying not to squeeze it, but I'm sure in the morning I'll change my mind.