Amusing Wedding Story Number Two

As listeners to the Adam & Joe show on BBC Radio Six will know, one of their catchphrases is "I'm going to have a party Pom Pom, it's going to be a Poo Poo Party Pom Pom". Myself and Freya have been using it for a while and have been finding it rather amusing.

We decided to write our own wedding vows to make it memorable and also for me to finally have something to do regarding the wedding. However, I soon noticed that this meant I would have to write something that was meaningful and, as readers of this blog have found out, my writing is totally rubbish.

Luckily I had an afternoon to go to my dentist (star of the Awful Wedding Story - coming soon!) and spent a nice sunny May day in Harrogate's Valley Gardens racking my brains of good vow words. Eventually I had something figured out. It didn't sound cheesy, it didn't sound over the top, it sounded exactly how I felt about Freya.

And then I added a line asking if Freya wanted a Poo Poo Party Pom Pom?



I managed to memorise the vow, but thought I'd best take the piece of paper I'd written on along in case I had an attack of brain nerves.

On the day of the wedding I had to meet the registrar and state that I was marrying Freya for the right reasons and other official things. Then she asked if I had my vows. I said I did and reluctantly handed over the paper. The registrar seemed a very officious person and didn't seem like someone who would appreciate the humour in my words. Luckily my brother did and started giggling uncontrollably. Which then started me off. Which made the registrar more po-faced.

Luckily she decided that we were ok to get married (I suspect she realised that Freya already knew I was an idiot but still liked me) and the ceremony went ahead without any problems. Well, apart from the other two Amusing Wedding Stories and the Awful Wedding Story.

Amusing Wedding Story Number One

I got married a few weeks back. It was very good. I kept smiling all the way through it, which is very unlike me. The whole thing went smoothly and we both enjoyed ourselves so much.

However:



We were having our First Official Dancey-Dance as a married couple to Nick Cave's Breathless. To be honest we were rather stilted in our movements, but it was very sweet as we were both singing to each other. We were staring into each other eyes when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

It was my new Father and Step Mother in law. We were confused. They told us that they were leaving and wanted to thank us for a great evening. Errm, ok, but couldn't you have told us this in about one minute and fifteen seconds?

What made it even stranger was that they then spent about ten minutes saying goodbye to everyone else! Apparently my cousin Kate told my brother/best man Tom to go over and stop them, but my SMIL just gave him a massive hug and he was so speechless he couldn't do anything.

I reckon that they were both upstairs when we said it was going to be our first dance and they thought we had been on the dancefloor for a while. Still you'd have thought they could've waited. Ah well.

At the time I was baffled by it, but now it has morphed into Amusing Wedding Story Number One. I think there are two more Amusing Wedding Stories and one Slightly Upsetting Wedding Story to come.

In other news I have handed in my notice and will become a Finance Analyst for a company that is in Britain and primarily looks after Gas. I have no idea if this is A Good Thing or Not, but it will be a change. Expect complaining by about the 22nd July.

Son of my Lather

Mallory's post about laundry reminded Bloodredroses about laundry which reminded me about laundry. I was at Uni, which is never the cleanest period of anyone's life, however I always made sure I had clean pants, socks and t-shirts. This meant going to the laundrette at my halls and putting some money in the machines.

Pic stolen from Image Zen

As this was my first time doing my own washing I was sure of the etiquette. It was rather a small room, but I didn't want to leave my clothes on their own (who knows if a 90 minutes 'different class' t-shirt can hack it by itself?) so I took my copy of The Beach along and started reading. As people kept coming in and leaving I realised I had made a major laundrette faux pax - I was meant to go back to my halls and return when my clothes had finished.

So I started to do this and all was well. I even progressed to the part where I could time to the exact minute when my washing and drying would be finished so I didn't have to waste any time. This meant though that sometimes I would have to wait for a dryer to be free, and sometimes took clothes out of a finished dryer and left them on the side for their owner to collect them.

This was how I ended up with no pants.

I took some clothes out and left them on the side. Then put my pants and socks in to be dried. When I returned to my drier there were no pants. Or socks. But the clothes I had taken out were still on the side. I suspected the owner of these clothes had just gone into the dryer but didn't check if they were his. But surely he would have noticed?

Either way this left me down to one pair of clean pants and I'm not the boy who will get run over with dirty pants so I had to go to the market to buy some. I kept going back to the laundrette to see if my washing turned up, but over the weekend it hadn't. How could someone not have noticed that my clothes weren't theirs? The other clothes were still there as well.

Luckily on Monday a swap had taken place and my pants had returned in a black bin bag (luckily not one used for trashbagging by Blade Braxton). Unfortunately they were still damp and therefore needed another wash.

My theory on this happened was this:

• Other washer had to leave for the weekend and asked his mate to get his clothes from the drier.
• Mate takes clothes out. Realises they're damp but doesn't really care, doing this is favour enough.
• Other washer comes back from weekend away, looks at clothes. They aren't his.
• Luckily someone has KINDLY AND THOUGHTFULLY left their clothes on the side so he swaps them

Still you live and learn, so I went back to being the nerd reading books in the laundrette. Although I bought a GameBoy Color and started playing Mario Golf not long after.

In other news I only have five days left until I'm married. Yay!

And http://tv.timbormans.com/ is a good youtube/last.fm mashup. Search for uppi17 and enjoy!

Watabe Three

(a)
Just like Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy,
Benjamin Hall and Freya Whitely
were destined to be together

They would love for you to come to
their wedding
On
At 4.45pm
At the ,
York
With reception to follow

(b)
Benjamin and Freya are getting
married!

On
At 4.45pm
At the ,
York
With reception to follow

We would live it if you could come
and share our day with us

(c)
Once upon a time
There was a girl called Freya
And a boy called Benjamin
And they were just right for each other

So they decided to get married
On
At 4.45pm
At the ,
York

They would love it if you would
come and share their special day!

------

I prefer (a), Freya prefers (c).

Bah

I have the kind of headache where every time I move I feel like my head is about to split open. I think Freya thought I was putting it on to avoid the wedding list that we were doing, but I actually found that interesting. Although I'm still miffed that I'm not allowed to put an Xbox 360 on there, but I can see that it's not really a gift for nesting.

Friends in strange places

Well, I suppose I shouldn't say 'friends', what I mean is 'stuff I accidentally found that made me feel much better about myself'.

There was the article by Guy Haley in the latest issue of Death Ray about the future of the world. It's come at a time when I felt very depressed about the future of the planet, but Guy's article made me optimistic for what will happen. Apart from when he ended it with the Sun blowing up.

Then listening to the Long Blondes album made me happy that I was marrying someone I loved very much. This was something I wasn't depressed about, but with Kate Jackson singing her songs about cheating on people cheered me up. Because I'm not going to be like that.

Finally watching an old Who Do You Think You Are with Matthew Pinset calmed my nerves as well. Mostly because he found out he was decended from Jesus.

Other than those my teeth hurt. And my dentist cancelled as he was 'shaking like a shitting dog'. Cheers for that.

NBPM 24: Honeymoon

Have I already used 'Honeymoon' as a Blog title? Who cares!

Anyway with most of our watabe wedding planned & booked (aside from the photographer who has yet to return our calls) we are trying to think of places to go for our honeymoon. We have four possible options:

• Lake District - Will be by the lake in a log cabin, with all modcons. Has a hottub. Is in England so weather is likely to be rubbish. Self catering.
• Isle of Wight - Has a four poster bed. Bed & Breakfast only. Will take a long time to get there by train. Perhaps not much to do there.
• Greece - Definitely will be hot. Some places offer good upgrades for honeymooners. Quite expensive.
• Turkey - Surprisingly cheap. All the holidays we've seen appear to be all-inclusive. Could make me very fat. Might be exceptionally hot (even for early June).

I still have no idea which one I want to go to. But I do like the sound of all-inclusive.

Dream cycle number 4

I usually have absolutely no memory of any dreams that I have while I'm asleep. This is usually a blessing as I am still haunted by two dreams I had when I was about six years old. One involved me riding a motorbike with Gremlins clinging to my face and making the ride really scary. The other was a very weird one where I ate a Ghostbusters lolly - even though I knew it was wrong - which then caused my eyes to go blotchy, similar to when you rub your eyes loads. Then a big curtain fell down and ghosts came out.

Bear in mind I had never watched Ghostbusters or Gremlins until I was at least fifteen. These dreams came solely from my fevered mind and possibly catching a bit of the poster when it was being advertised.

I am pleased to announce that my most recent dreams have been very pleasant. Most strange in what happened, but I've never woken up in a sweat screaming for my Mum from them.

One involved me chatting to TV's famous weather strumpet at some sort of castle (I presume it was Alton Towers). Claire then introduced Emmy The Great, who was playing her guitar to some kids while she was riding a pink flamingo boat ride. As I wanted to speak to Emmy and annoy her with some geeky fanboy worship I walked behind the flamingo along the tracks.

My second dream involved me chatting to Rilo Kiley in a hotel room, which then quickly changed to me walking through a shopping mall, then I noticed two people wearing Double Denim. Seeing a 'quad' of denim made me think of a 'lay-on-lay'. So then I wandered through the mall singing 'Lay-on-Lay-on-Lay' to the tune of 'ole, ole, ole, ole'. Which resulted in me interrupting a wedding by singing this and having a crowd of people following me.

Freya says I cannot do this at our wedding. Even though it was The Best Thing Ever. I had a massive smile on my face all day.

What dreams have you had recently readers? And did they involve obscure songs from kids tv shows?

Watabe news

Date: Thursday 5th June 2008

Time: 5pm

Location: The Merchant Adventurers Hall, York

Bride: Freya Stephanie Aimee Whiteley

Groom: Benjamin David Hall

Cost: Quite a bit, but well worth it

Attendance: Let me know and I'll see if I can get you in

Currently Listening to: Emmy the Great

Mood: Excited!

Tiredness rating: zz out of ZZZZZ

How to get fit

The best way to get fit is to do some exercise. The only problem with this is that you have to do some exercise. If you've spent the past four to seven years sitting on your arse then you'll find your legs fail to work for about five days after trying to get fit.

But I've given it a go. And I feel even more tired than I did before. This is my exercise diary.

Saturday 2nd June
Ran around the Cricket pitch. Took about 10 minutes to do so, although I did have to stop jogging about three times due to exhaustion. Decide to blame it on the sunshine, but absolved moonlight and goodtimes of any guilt. It was exceptionally hot.

Checked my pedometer at the end to see how far I had ran. Apparently my ten minute jog took only 50 steps to do and resulted in me running 20 metres. Looks as though I might have to increase the sensitivity for the next time I run.

Wednesday 6th June
Legs still not working, but foolishly decide to challenge fellow Persistency colleague Natalie to a squash match. I have never played squash before, but being largely rubbish at any racquet sport I expect a defeat.

I lose, but actually manage to win the first game, which surprised me considering Natalie plays Squash/Badminton about twice a week and I'm crap. However I did lose the second game 9-0, partly due to knackering myself in the first game. Managed to get through the men's shower challenge as well.

Friday 15th June
Squash rematch. This time it was a 2-2 draw. Once again I win the first game and then lose the second 9-0. Obviously stamina is a problem for me. Did some rather decent shots, but didn't have a clue how I actually managed to do them. This is similar to the 'power serves' on Wii Tennis, how do they happen?

Yet to do another run, because I hate doing them. Might try once the weather clears up. But squash is rather fun though. Although I might change my mind if I play someone half-decent as Natalie admits she's rather crap as well.

Oh and I've played a load of Wii Sports and Wario Ware as well. Does that count as exercise? The Dr. Crygor bit involves doing loads of squats so I'm counting them whether you like it or not.

In other news Freya has bought her wedding dress off ebay*. I had to do the auction sniping for it, but wasn't allowed to view the dress, which caused some logistical problems. But it has now arrived and is pretty according to Freya. And the ring arrived last Sunday as well. I have seen this and it is very pretty.

* Link added from an e-mail I have without images, so I still haven't seen it. But you can. Let me know what you think of it.

Serious and Seriouser

"We need to talk"

Four words men never want to hear from their Schatz.

I turned the television off. As I knew I would drift off and start watching it no matter how serious the conversation got.

"If we're going to get married next year we need to start saving money."

This I knew. We'd just spent a lot of money on going to Japan. And since coming back I spent a lot on an engagement ring (which still hasn't arrived). Then I spent two hundred and fifty quid on a Wii (which is great) and seventy quid on some trainers to get fit (one ten minute run, one loss at squash and two aching legs). So my bank account was rather low.

And Freya was aware of this.

"I know you managed to put some money away that was left over at the end of the month, but I think you should start up a direct debit and save some money for the wedding. And also save some for yourself as I know you spent all of your savings on Japan."

This made sense. I needed to save money and I'm the kind of person who if they have some money in the bank will usually spend it. I spoke of my agreement to this plan.

Unfortunately Freya didn't see to cotton on to that fact that I thought she was right & got into a bit of a panic about me not saving money. Luckily I think she finally believes me. And I have now set up the direct debits.

"I love you Ben"

Anyway, what about this for the top of the wedding cake?

Relax girls, he's engaged

As hinted previously, I am now engaged to Freya. This feels very good. But expect all of you are desperate to know how I proposed to her.

Being a very unimaginative person I was planning on just getting down on one knee and asking her. After chatting to Cathy online and putting a few comments on Momo's club wed/dread I realised that this wouldn't be that romantic or memorable. And the answer would definitely be no if I did this.

So I brainstormed* with Cathy some ideas for proposing. One good idea was to get a kitty and put the ring in it's collar, but seeing how I didn't want to get a ring without Freya choosing it this option wasn't wise. Plus I hadn't spoken to the landlord to check if we could get any animals. So that was out.

Cathy said check out some other engagement stories on the web. Most seemed to involve a little too much planning. I wasn't going to arrange to meet in a park and then have a billboard say 'Will you marry me?'. For a start, I'm not the most confident and also I'd like the act of proposing to be rather private**. Me and Freya are rather shy people, and whilst I like the idea of shouting out 'I LOVE THIS WOMAN!' I also know I'd be looking very sheepish afterwards, and when proposing it's best you don't look ashamed by it.

So it needed to be somewhere quiet, romantic, memorable and done in an imaginative way. Luckily I was going to Tokyo in May, so that could be pretty memorable. We might also be going to Mount Fuji so that could be quiet. Hopefully the act of proposing would be romantic in itself. Then I had a great lightbulb moment for making it imaginative.

I would get someone else to ask me. Funshine Bear, the care bear who I bought for Freya at the beginning of our relationship (after she complained about her Mum getting rid of her older one when she was young) could ask her via the use of Bob Dylan style sound cards. Cathy said this sounded good.

Then just as we were getting ready for Japan, Freya said something that made me worried. She'd been looking at Club wed/dread and thought it was good. Had she read my comments saying I was going to propose? I panicked and told Freya I had a surprise for her in Japan. This got her all excited. I knew this was bad when she mentioned it every hour on the train to the airport.

Checking my e-mail at the hotel before we flew out to Japan I had an e-mail from Momo (regarding the proposal). Freya saw this, but I told her it was private. And panicking I then told Freya that Momo said the surprise was stupid so I shouldn't go through with it. Sorry Momo, but I had to calm her down somehow.

Then we got to Japan, and I couldn't propose. How was I going to find somewhere quiet to propose in the busiest city on Earth? Luckily Freya helped by deciding that on Saturday we would go to Fuji Five Lakes in the shadow of Mount Fuji. Hmm, this could be the chance I was after...

So Saturday came & we got to Lake Kawaguchi, only to find that when sitting by the lake you couldn't see Fuji. Darn. There was a cable car, so perhaps if we went up there we could see it?

One cable car ride & we could.

Fuji looked beautiful. However, everyone on the cable car was milling around this area where a model of a raccoon was being tortured by a rabbit. Not terribly romantic. I could see a path leading further up. If I could persuade Freya to walk up there, maybe we would find a private clearing and I could say (or show) those words.


Yeah I guess that looks quite romantic.

We sat on the bench for a while taking in the view. Then I rummaged in my bag for the photos of Funshine (whilst sneakily getting on one knee).

"Freya, I've decided and I think you should have your surprise."

Freya looks at the first picture ("WHOOP! WHOOP!") and laughs.

The second picture ("Bear loves Schatz very much") got an "awww I love you too".

Third picture said "Will you marry me?". Freya was shocked, "Is this a joke?"

"I love you very much, will you marry me?"

"Of course!" She started to cry, lots. I welled up a bit too (strong men also cry). And I gave her a big hug and kissed her, lots.

The fourth picture ("Pleasey?") made her smile. But I think the third one was the best.

We sat on the bench for about five minutes just hugging each other and smiling.

Then some Japanese girls walked past and I press-ganged one of them into taking a picture of us:

See I'm even wearing a shirt so I look smart.

Then we decided to carve our initials into a tree. I think Freya was a bit annoyed I used our pet name initials rather than our proper ones, but it still looks good.


Now all we have to do is arrange the wedding. *Gulp*

* Great Ben, make it sound like a business meeting

** Which is why I'm blogging about it

I've got the runs

I'll write more about my amazing trip to Japan over the coming weeks, but for now I want to go on about before I got engaged and decided to play some football in a UK versus Sri Lanka match.

As regular readers might know, I'm not very fit. About every two months I mention that I should perhaps join a gym. I never do, but merely thinking about doing so is the closest I get the physical activity in those two months*. So when the chance to play in a football match came up I was reluctant to put my name forward. I should have remained reluctant.

One problem I had was that it was raining, not heavy rain but enough to make the grass slippy. The grass had also been recently cut causing further slippage. Finally I was playing in Converse one star trainers, which never have the best grip.

The result? 8-1 to us. Oh, and I fell over before even reaching a ball. I didn't feel too bad afterwards, but in the morning? It was hell. The next morning? Just as bad. This lasted for about 5 days after the match.

And walking all around Tokyo didn't help my legs too much either. At Enoshima my legs really started to hurt again.

So now I'm thinking of getting fit again. But I know I won't join a gym, so perhaps I should just start jogging. One thing I saw in Japan was Nike Plus. This is where Nike & Apple have joined forces so your ipod connects to your trainers and can tell you how far you've run through your headphones. I'm sure an expensive gadget like this will get me fit.

Problems? I'd have to buy an ipod nano, when I really want a video mp3 player. Also I've usually shyed away from ipods, due to them breaking after one year and one day (see also why I haven't bought an Xbox 360). And I've got a wedding to pay for, can't waste it on trying to get fit. But then shouldn't I look my best for the wedding? Argh, I don't know, I'm still jetlagged.

* Well not the closest, but I doubt you want to hear about the closest I get...

Back in the office

She said yes. More on how & where tomorrow. I'm exceptionally happy about it.