Thursday, November 13, 2008

This is a test

It appears to be working.  Expect more fun tomorrow!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Tilly and the Wall haiku

Slow Club:

Slow Club

You thought you were bad
in fact you were rather good
but crap whistlers

Tilly and the wall:

Neely, Kianna & Jamie

One of you can't sing
can't play bass but can tap dance
you'll go a long way

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Kenickie - 10 years gone

Pic from Planet Kenickie

I realise it's been ten years, but I still miss them. Kenickie are my favourite band ever. They just sang with feeling. And a mackem accent.

I've liked bands before and since, but I've never felt the same joy when I hear any other band. Plus they sounded like they were having fun too.

They split just as I started Uni at Loughborough and I could've seen them on their final tour at Rock City, but I never found anyone to go with. It's something I regret to this day. Although perhaps seeing them in their dying throes will have soured my memory of them.

I even liked how their first unofficial mailing list was one sent out by someone (Lee?) who bcc'd everyone in so you got a load of messages in one go.

The best bit is I have no idea where I started to like Kenickie from. It might have been C-Monster, who mentioned it in his e-mail about AP. Or J Nash when I asked him about music he liked. Or maybe it was when I got a promo leaflet through the post.

So thanks for everything Johnny X (anything to do with ), Emmy-Kate Montrose (writer of the Best Kenickie Song ever), Lauren Laverne (who should just stick to radio rather than sorting out Twiggy's frocks) and Marie du Santiago (the one I fancied, sorry Marie).

I did actually see Kenickie live twice, both times were at Reading Festival. Rather surprisingly BFBS played part of their 1996EDIT: 1997** set on their radio station. I managed to record it onto tape. Now I have converted it into mp3s* for everyone to enjoy. If anyone knows of any reason why these shouldn't be on here, let me know.


* Via Minidisc, then audacity.
** I knew I went to Reading 1998 as this was before I went to Uni, but I could have sworn I missed the one before that. However, I am wrong. Simon, the person Simon was speaking to, and the First Matt were right. Everyone must now change the ID3 tags in the MP3s accordingly.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Haiku Gig Review

Rose keyboard

Rose from The Pipettes
She wanted to dance/hand jive
Was stuck by keyboard

Film School

Film School were loud
And also repetitive
They were also loud


British Sea Power
Very good foliage but
Need Turtle Power

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Communication Prbloms

Nice to see the Guardian pays attention to its own words...
Don't hold your breath for a British series called The Mentalist.
Channel Five's new US import The Mentalist

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Not 'Arf

The other I've noticed as I've got older is that my belly button fluff has stopped being dark, and is now white cotton. I have no logical reason for this, other than my belly button is racist. I apologise for it's actions.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Premature Awake-ation

I'm ill. As usual it's just a really bad cold/sore throat that has made me spend this weekend not doing a lot and falling asleep during the day. Now, I hate falling asleep during the day as I just feel it's a total waste of the day. Although considering I usually spend the weekend on the PC or the Wii, it's not that much more of a waste. Still, I consider falling asleep during the day to be very much an old man's game and always shy away from it.

Ben in bed

This didn't used to matter as I would always spend the weekends waking up at around 11am. But recently I've been waking up around the same times I do to go to work, which is 6.15am. And my body can't take it.

I have a few reasons for this. One is that our bedroom curtains are feeble, and let the light in at the earliest opportunity. I spent eight years living in Germany where they use heavy duty blinds and you wouldn't have a clue what time it was when you woke up. So you went back to sleep.

Also, next door have a really screamy kid. We have thin walls. This combination results in an alarm that is worse than the Meatballs alarm ringtone I made. And unfortunately, Sophie doesn't have a snooze button.

The other thing is, by noticing, this I've realised I'm getting old. I'm at ease with it though as sleeping appears to be the only problem I have with it.

Hair in my nose? When you graze your nostril and feel an unusually long hair, it feels great to pull it out. Plus it's stopped me from picking my nose so much as this is more fun.

Going bald? Yeah I could do without touching places where my hair was and finding nothing there, but it happens. Plus I'm starting to get Mr. Fantastic style grey side bit, which I reckon look alright.

A large belly? That seems to have stopped since I quit booze. Walking to the train station also helps.

But waking up before seven on a weekend? That's just wrong. Going to sleep when you could be watching Hole in the Wall? What a waste of time!

P.S. I realise this blog has made little to no sense. But I point you to my first sentence. I'm ill. Do you people not have any compassion?

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Delivery Error

The great thing about the postal service (not the band, who are good, but won't help my argument) is that you pay some money and they will send your parcel anywhere. Now if you want it sending to the other side of the world then it will cost more & if you want it arriving quicker it will also cost more. However, I feel that these are sound reasons to pay more.

Now, it's coming up to my Lovely Wife's birthday and I wish to buy her something nice. And therefore I have found something that is perfect for her*. Except there's one problem: The company don't deliver to the UK.

I'm not asking for you to charge the same amount that you do for American deliveries. I'm not even asking to be treated as a Canadian. Even if you said "It will cost an extra twenty quid to send" I wouldn't mind. At least I'd have the choice to say no.

So either I have to find something else that Freya would like or I could ask the people I know who live in America, see if they will allow me to get it sent to their house and then ask them to send it on. Which is people who read this blog pretty much. So please people of America (and Canadia), help a loving husband out? Obviously all fees will be reimbursed and if you need some English sweets sending over I will be happy to help.

The other thing is: Does a website already provide this service? Because I reckon there could be a gap in the market for this. I'm going to give Duncan Bannatyne a ring and see if he's in. If not, I'll probably get his answering machine.

* I'm unable to say what as she'll no doubt pick this as the one time to read my blog this year. I love you Freya!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Safe sex doesn't mean no sex

OK. I understand the reasoning behind condoms. They prevent sexually transmitted diseases, they help prevent you getting someone pregnant and they can be used as a really awful balloon. So if a main reason is to stop reproduction why are my condoms multiplying?

I don't mean condoms of the winky-guard type, but the Wiimote condoms that stop you scratching your table whilst playing Wii Sports (and thus requiring the services of a French polisher). I bought my Wii before all Wiimotes came with these protectors, so e-mailed Ninty asking for them to send me two.

I received some in February. Then another pair in March. And another pair in June (in fact whilst we were on honeymoon). Now, I sent the extra ones back to Codestorm (the Ninty Service Center bods) and didn't hear back from them.

Until today, obv. When I recieved another pair. This time I have had to resort to the Sternly Worded (But With Some Humour To Show I'm Not A Massive Moaner) E-mail. Hopefully I can go another three months without hearing about them.

Freya was thinking I could sell them on ebay, but as everyone is entitled to some Wii condoms for free I doubt I'd get much money for them. However, Matt Biebly did send me two copies of Deathray Issue One by accident so I will hoarding them. Or perhaps I could give them to the Super Lehmann Brothers so they can clear their massive debts. I am a philanthropist after all.

Anyway ignore all that, and watch this. I promise it's better than Maude:

Monday, September 15, 2008

Women in politics

I do like how the American presidential race is now sexist and racist.  Of course the seventies were much more enlightened.  As my following clip will prove.

The best thing about it is that they spend 30 seconds singing about why women are great.  And then the only thing they have for the star is "And then there's Maude" for about 15 seconds.  Freya thinks it's ironical, but I'm certain irony was discovered in the mid 80s when I started to talk.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Still alive. Still unable to write.

So I'm not dead.  I'm just rather busy with work and don't have time thinking of witty stuff to say.  Not that that hasn't stopped me before, natch.

I do have some stuff to write about though.  I'm going to talk about annoying things about gigs, annoying things about commuting on the train and annoying things about having crap skin.  At least one of those will contain a half-decent joke, all will contain observations that most bloggers have mentioned before.  However I GUARANTEE mine will have more self-deprecating references than any of my rivals!

The latest issue of Deathray says that there are writing jobs available.  This means that I start to wonder about how life would be if I did become a writer rather than an accountant.  And you know what?  I'd still be an accountant, it just would have taken me an extra year to qualify after I wasted twelve months doing something I'm crap at.  Well, not terribly good at.

Still part of me wishes I did have some non office based job.  Like working at a magazine.  In an office.  Or at least something where I can have fun through other methods rather than making slightly sarcastic comments.

I did like my comment in the team meeting though where H* was talking about our big boss.
"He's cool though - he likes Scouting for Girls."
"Yeah.  But he meant it as an activity."

I realise that this is another joke that loads of bloggers have made.  But did they make it in a work based environment? DID THEY? Man, I'm tired.

* Using the initials to avoid libel, unfortunately I do not work with H from Steps.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

"high pitched dick"

In Ocean's poor sports game Beach Volley there was one reason to play it. Ignoring the fact that the only way to score was to jam your player in the top right corner and then hit your spike when he jumped off the screen, we kept playing purely to hear the introductions to each country.

They were fairly awful voice samples of the respective countries accents, but they had a charm that made Ash & I giggle. They soon became catchphrases, along with the weird visual images of the wrong handed volleyballer on the title screen.

The first country had the best sample of the game though. To be said in a high pitched Dick Van Dyke in Poppins accent:

"Welcome to Lahndahn."

However the reality isn't so charming.

Sunday, August 10, 2008


Seeing how blogger doesn't have as good iPhone functionality as Wordpress I have moved from (No! But Yes!) blogger to Wordpress. The new page can be found here:

Don't expect anything new though. I've not got that far in my new plan.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Amusing Wedding Story Number 3

So it's time for the third Amusing Wedding Story. But first the Slightly Upsetting Wedding Story.

My Uncle has become a bit of a ladies man since getting a divorce and has had about three different lady friends since I proposed to

Freya. Therefore we thought it would be best that he didn't bring a date and instead should attend with his son.

Obviously this spoilt his attempts at getting his end away and he asked us one week before the wedding if his Schtup-Partner could come along. We said no using the short notice as an excuse.

So he got upset and left shortly after the ceremony. The miserable get.

However no need for this to spoil the wedding as Amusing Stories beat Mildly Upsetting Stories 3-1!

We invited my Mum's cousin Glynis to the wedding, along with her husband Frank. Frank's a bit of a bizarre person at the best of times and always says something weird when you see him.

My brother was chatting to him and used one of Frank's old catchphrases "Cut the rug". It took a while for Frank to recognise it, but instead of just laughing he decided to lightly stroke down Tom's arm.

This had now made the light stroke down the arm one of mine and Freya's favourite actions along with the Catpoo (don't ask) and the Snuggle.

Oh and it turns out that Frank and my Mother In Law went to the same school. Frank was the naughty kid who kept getting thrown out of assembly. My Mother In Law wanted to be him*.

Frank is on the wedding photos and is the guy with the Colonel Sanders goatee.

* Due to me writing this on my iPhone this originally said 'wanted to be jim'.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

My career in passwords

Resign12 - I quit
Theroc12 - Wrestling's the Rock influenced this one, I have no idea why. Might be due to Southland Tales being seen in the HMV sale
Hestap12 - Hesta Pryn from the hottest girl rappers the world has ever seen - Northern State
Yogaba12 - Don't know what this word is. Perhaps wii fit/yoga related?
Tegans12 - Going to the Tegan and Sara gig
Howard12 - Went to the Russell Howard gig. He was much funnier than Simon Amstell
Longbl12 - Gillen was going on about the Long Blondes new album. Still haven't listened to it
Dorkie12 - Inspired by the "Buh bye Dork" "Buh bye Doofus" sign off that CC & I have over MSN
Emygrt12 - Off to see Emmy The Great at ULU
Camson12 - Rebecca Camson was someone who popped up on telly
Champi12 - Forest got promoted by a set of bizarre circumstances, they weren't champions though. Perhaps I meant Borussia Monchengladbach
Ebisue12 - Ebisu, my favourite tune out of all the Tokyo JR line stations (the 3rd Man Theme)
Munich12 - Went to Munich for my Aunt's birthday
Feisty12 - Was listening to Feist's new album
Baysta12 - Inspired by the mediocre but great Baseball team the Yokohama Bay Stars
Pipete12 - We must have been to see the Pipette's around then. I'm not a fan of Rosay and Riot Becki's replacements. Sure they may be brunette's, but they're more leggings in TopShop brunettes rather than Cardigans in TopShop brunettes
Stefyr12 - Yes, we must have as Stefy was supporting. Went off her when I realised she had a tattoo
Tomnok12 - Named after the evil overlord of Animal Crossing
Benson12 - I finally met up with my favourite member of the Scooby Gang. She looked unhealthily thin
Jenpen12 - Jenny Penny was on showing off some graffiti by Lohan slagging off Scarlett Johansson
Stacyk12 - Stacy Keibler was famous for having long legs. This is enough for me. I'm getting into my cute girl stage
Nusuck12 - But offset it having a quiet moan about work. That's sticking it to the man!
Portman12 - I think I'd been to see Closer with Freya. Didn't make either of us feel very good
Elisha12 - Elisha Cuthbert was probably on the front cover of Dear Departed Hotdog then
Stirli12 - Daughter of Diana Rigg. I actually fell for Rachael when she photgraphed in the Daily Express, well before Tipping The Velvet
Petrah12 - I think I'd downloaded Petra Sings The Who Sell Out and got back on a Petra tip. I quite like how Tanya Haden (Jack Black's wife) voiced the rabbit who swooned for the Kung Fu Panda
Jendar12 - Thought this was inspired by misremembering Jo Dark from P Dark turns out it was actually someone else
Gldbch12 - Best team in Germany. Perhaps I'd been to see the new stadium
Jamdol12 - The UK Frag Dolls have just died. The redheaded Jam was my favourite, the cartoon version even beats Jessica Rabbit
Sarhyb12 - I had a desk calendar of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Babes, my favourite was Daniela Sarahyba. We did think Fernanda Motta was a man though
Jakidg12 - Jakki Degg was my favourite Page 3 girl, but then she got a dodgy tattoo
Fishel12 - I have no idea when Danielle Fishel from Boy Meets World is a password. Perhaps I saw some pics on Hushspace before I was properly with Freya (think around Stacyk)
Schatz12 - Although I had met up with her around here as her nickname had been coined
Rentals1 - Must have been listening to Barcelona
Forest12 - Worst football team ever
Alize123 - Best French girl singing about a bath ever
Dushku12 - Best PVC catsuit ever. Can't wait for Dollhouse
Jenlew12 - Sweetest voice ever. Nice winking action too
Skalet12 - Worst tattoo ever. I'm sure at this point in time I had no idea of the horrors that were to be unleashed
Rivers12 - Weezer influenced
Sverko12 - Pro Evolution Soccer star striker (before I got Baumjohann)
Bright12 - (I Hate) Conor played in Leeds & had Rilo Kiley supporting him
Rilkil12 - I preferred Rilo Kiley

Monday, July 07, 2008

Amusing Wedding Story Number Two

As listeners to the Adam & Joe show on BBC Radio Six will know, one of their catchphrases is "I'm going to have a party Pom Pom, it's going to be a Poo Poo Party Pom Pom". Myself and Freya have been using it for a while and have been finding it rather amusing.

We decided to write our own wedding vows to make it memorable and also for me to finally have something to do regarding the wedding. However, I soon noticed that this meant I would have to write something that was meaningful and, as readers of this blog have found out, my writing is totally rubbish.

Luckily I had an afternoon to go to my dentist (star of the Awful Wedding Story - coming soon!) and spent a nice sunny May day in Harrogate's Valley Gardens racking my brains of good vow words. Eventually I had something figured out. It didn't sound cheesy, it didn't sound over the top, it sounded exactly how I felt about Freya.

And then I added a line asking if Freya wanted a Poo Poo Party Pom Pom?

Wedding Vows

I managed to memorise the vow, but thought I'd best take the piece of paper I'd written on along in case I had an attack of brain nerves.

On the day of the wedding I had to meet the registrar and state that I was marrying Freya for the right reasons and other official things. Then she asked if I had my vows. I said I did and reluctantly handed over the paper. The registrar seemed a very officious person and didn't seem like someone who would appreciate the humour in my words. Luckily my brother did and started giggling uncontrollably. Which then started me off. Which made the registrar more po-faced.

Luckily she decided that we were ok to get married (I suspect she realised that Freya already knew I was an idiot but still liked me) and the ceremony went ahead without any problems. Well, apart from the other two Amusing Wedding Stories and the Awful Wedding Story.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Amusing Wedding Story Number One

I got married a few weeks back. It was very good. I kept smiling all the way through it, which is very unlike me. The whole thing went smoothly and we both enjoyed ourselves so much.



We were having our First Official Dancey-Dance as a married couple to Nick Cave's Breathless. To be honest we were rather stilted in our movements, but it was very sweet as we were both singing to each other. We were staring into each other eyes when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

It was my new Father and Step Mother in law. We were confused. They told us that they were leaving and wanted to thank us for a great evening. Errm, ok, but couldn't you have told us this in about one minute and fifteen seconds?

What made it even stranger was that they then spent about ten minutes saying goodbye to everyone else! Apparently my cousin Kate told my brother/best man Tom to go over and stop them, but my SMIL just gave him a massive hug and he was so speechless he couldn't do anything.

I reckon that they were both upstairs when we said it was going to be our first dance and they thought we had been on the dancefloor for a while. Still you'd have thought they could've waited. Ah well.

At the time I was baffled by it, but now it has morphed into Amusing Wedding Story Number One. I think there are two more Amusing Wedding Stories and one Slightly Upsetting Wedding Story to come.

In other news I have handed in my notice and will become a Finance Analyst for a company that is in Britain and primarily looks after Gas. I have no idea if this is A Good Thing or Not, but it will be a change. Expect complaining by about the 22nd July.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Son of my Lather

Mallory's post about laundry reminded Bloodredroses about laundry which reminded me about laundry. I was at Uni, which is never the cleanest period of anyone's life, however I always made sure I had clean pants, socks and t-shirts. This meant going to the laundrette at my halls and putting some money in the machines.

Pic stolen from Image Zen

As this was my first time doing my own washing I was sure of the etiquette. It was rather a small room, but I didn't want to leave my clothes on their own (who knows if a 90 minutes 'different class' t-shirt can hack it by itself?) so I took my copy of The Beach along and started reading. As people kept coming in and leaving I realised I had made a major laundrette faux pax - I was meant to go back to my halls and return when my clothes had finished.

So I started to do this and all was well. I even progressed to the part where I could time to the exact minute when my washing and drying would be finished so I didn't have to waste any time. This meant though that sometimes I would have to wait for a dryer to be free, and sometimes took clothes out of a finished dryer and left them on the side for their owner to collect them.

This was how I ended up with no pants.

I took some clothes out and left them on the side. Then put my pants and socks in to be dried. When I returned to my drier there were no pants. Or socks. But the clothes I had taken out were still on the side. I suspected the owner of these clothes had just gone into the dryer but didn't check if they were his. But surely he would have noticed?

Either way this left me down to one pair of clean pants and I'm not the boy who will get run over with dirty pants so I had to go to the market to buy some. I kept going back to the laundrette to see if my washing turned up, but over the weekend it hadn't. How could someone not have noticed that my clothes weren't theirs? The other clothes were still there as well.

Luckily on Monday a swap had taken place and my pants had returned in a black bin bag (luckily not one used for trashbagging by Blade Braxton). Unfortunately they were still damp and therefore needed another wash.

My theory on this happened was this:
  • Other washer had to leave for the weekend and asked his mate to get his clothes from the drier.
  • Mate takes clothes out. Realises they're damp but doesn't really care, doing this is favour enough.
  • Other washer comes back from weekend away, looks at clothes. They aren't his.
  • Luckily someone has KINDLY AND THOUGHTFULLY left their clothes on the side so he swaps them
Still you live and learn, so I went back to being the nerd reading books in the laundrette. Although I bought a GameBoy Color and started playing Mario Golf not long after.

In other news I only have five days left until I'm married. Yay!

And is a good youtube/ mashup. Search for uppi17 and enjoy!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Stars on your thighs

Well it turns out the fretting over the non-arrival of the Word CD was for nought. They've sent another one without any problems.

I don't like tattoos and find it hard to believe why someone would find it useful to have a reminder of their girlfriend's name on their arm, or of their favourite game character, or a Japanese kanji symbol that they're not quite sure what it means. But at least they're original. Something that not many other people will have. Which is why I really don't understand why so many people are getting five pointed stars for tattoos.

It seems that the people who get these are the emo kids. But it's pretty obvious if you're an emo kid without having to have a tattoo on your arm. Especially one of a really rubbish star.

And why are they all five pointed stars? What's wrong with the six pointed star (er your link explains that - ed)? Or even the eight pointed star? Now it could be argued that they're pentagrams and therefore highly mystic. But they're not connected. Instead you look like a military buff. With a dodgy haircut.

The main problem I have with the stars is that they remind me of the bit in Ghostbusters where Bill Murray is testing a girl and a boy at ESP using cards. Now if all these people got tattoos in reference to Ghostbusters that makes sense, but why hide it in such an obscure manner? I asked someone if my theory was true. He replied, "that it's true - this man has no dick" which was obviously some stupid in joke I didn't understand. I left him and played Zool on my CD32.


Monday, May 12, 2008

Let's all Mux up in the year 2000

During my day off where I managed to get two women fighting over cutting my hair, had a argument over what lenses to have in my glasses and ate an ice cream whilst walking along the River Ouse in the sunshine, I also completed the year 2000 for the Sweeping The Nation Muxtape Challenge.

For those of you who do know a Muxtape is an online page where you make a mixtape of up to twelve mp3s. For those of you who don't know Muxtape is what a South African calls the gaffer tape belonging to Michael.

Anyway here is the address for my muxtape:

Songs that narrowly missed qualification were:
  • Lolly - Per Sempre Amore (the only song I can think of that's about Siamese twins - I'll explain later)
  • The Soggy Bottom Boys - In Constant Sorrow (didn't really fit in with the other tracks)
  • Aqua - Cartoon Heroes (too good for this compilation)
  • Sugababes - Soul Sound (best Sugababes song ever)
  • Gorky's Zygotic Mynci - The Blue Trees (eliminated because I couldn't remember a single song from it)
  • Gomez - Getting Better (the only song I could remember from Abandoned Shopping Trolley Hotline, and it was a cover)
  • Whistler - Faith In The Morning (see Gorky's Zygotic Mynci)

Wednesday, May 07, 2008


I feel a bit bad writing this but I'm really annoyed with ("Word" - ed) magazine*. You see I took up their offer of a very cheap two year subscription. And then the next issue failed to arrive.

Luckily the nice lady on the subs line told me they'd send another copy out. Which did arrive. And was missing the free CD. (And was the 'standard' cover rather than the special subs edition - but I'm not too bothered about that (Oh and it missed the subs letter)) Now the magazine itself is the usual high quality, and contains a great picture of the girl from Guillemots, but I should have the free CD.

I'm in a nice car though. Should I ring up the nice lady and complain that they didn't send me the free CD or should I just shut up and enjoy the magazine whilst drinking my *OBVIOUS PLUG TO INCREASE READERS OF THE BLOG* crate of JBL's Mama Juwanna Boner Juice?

What am I talking about? I should stop being terribly English and complain.

* I'm sorry but The Word sounds awful for a magazine title. In fact, no magazine should have 'The' in the title. The NGamer? The Smash Hits? The Retro Gamer? The Edge? All sound much worse than if you removed the The.

Saturday, May 03, 2008


Hello readers!

HURRAH! Bran Van 3000 appear to be back!

BAH! Jayne Hill appears to have left...

HURRAH! Pro Evolution Soccer on the Wii is the best football game since SWOS!

BAH! Mario Kart Wii is rather rubbish...

HURRAH! Only one week of Japanese lessons to go!

BAH! I hardly know any Japanese and will probably fail my exam...

HURRAH! Ronald McDonald's sister is cute

BAH! Scarlett Johansson's song isn't as good as I thought it would be...

HURRAH! Stuart Campbell is excellent when he gets annoyed at someone!

BAH! It's not so good when he charges for it, annoys the readers of his forum and then puts in a decent solution, but too late to bring some people back...

HURRAH! People kept looking at this blog even though I haven't updated it for 3 months!

BAH! They appear to only be interested in my one mention of JBL's Mama Juwanna Boner Juice...

HURRAH! The second best wedding of the year went off without a hitch (except well, the obvious one)!

BAH! My latest issue of Word didn't come through the post so I asked for another copy, which arrived but was non-subscription copy and didn't have the free CD...

HURRAH! The Watabe Wedding appears to be going according to plan!

BAH! People have cancelled for annoying reasons... (Anyone want to come instead?)

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


entry is going to be boring due to lack of enthusiasm and me feeling as though I'm in a Phil K Dick novel.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Watabe Three

Just like Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy,
Benjamin Hall and Freya Whitely
were destined to be together

They would love for you to come to
their wedding
At 4.45pm
At the ,
With reception to follow

Benjamin and Freya are getting

At 4.45pm
At the ,
With reception to follow

We would live it if you could come
and share our day with us

Once upon a time
There was a girl called Freya
And a boy called Benjamin
And they were just right for each other

So they decided to get married
At 4.45pm
At the ,

They would love it if you would
come and share their special day!


I prefer (a), Freya prefers (c).

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Reviews Sunday

The Meaning Of Life

It's been released in a buggy state & certainly isn't as good as it's been made out to be.
One out of seven

Saturday, March 08, 2008

The week in twitters [slightly ahead]

Due to me being in Newcastle tomorrow, here are my twitters so far (I've also removed the links as it's too fiddly to put them in):

In Newcastle tomorrow. Looking for the messiah
I can't be bothered today. In a lazy way rather than a depressed way
No! Lost my ds save games :(((
@FragDollsUK I'm still pretty rubbish at hiragana - don't make me think of kanji!
Lost at squash again & there were no hot showers :((
I've learnt 50% of hiragana. Yatta!
Dry crackly fingers. Not good
"You don't understand Mandy, I've been through a fucking divorce, my brother's been through a divorce."
Having to use ipod headphones. I feel trendy. And wrong
Just squeezed a spot inside my nose. Ouch
People who drive cars can be stupid

Friday, March 07, 2008

Fridays Feast

In association with

If you could be any current celebrity for one whole week, who would you want to be?
Lord Alfred Hayes.

On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how much do you enjoy talking on the phone?
8. I enjoy speaking to people on the other end of the tin can and string.

Name a charitable organization to which you have donated (or would like to).
Blade Brakestown's Chase Meridan Mastercharge bill

Main Course
What is a food you like so much you could eat it every single day for a month?
Mama Juwanna energy/boner juice.

Have you or anyone in your family had the flu this year?
I didn't even know we were sick!

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Japanese Thursday

A: Yokohama made ichi mai kudasai.
B: Ofuku desu ka, katamichi desu ka?
A: Ofuku desu. Kin'en seki onegai shimasu. Ikura desu ka?
B: Ni man san sen yen desu.
A: Nan ji tsukimasu ka?
B: Ju-san-ji hap-pun desu.
A: Nan ban sen desu ka?
B: Rokku ban sen.
A: Arigato.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

3 strikes

STRIKE ONE! That nose ring you had for a while

STRIKE TWO! That awful tattoo you just got

STRIKE THREE! "My greatest vice is cheese. Nothing else reigns over my life."

Monday, March 03, 2008

Fun with photoshop


Can you spot what I've added to this magazine's cover?

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Reviews Sunday

Zack and Wiki - Wii

There's a been a bit of a trend recently for point and click games to be ported over to the Wii. The highly rubbish CSI game and some Agatha Christie adventure being the latest (and only) ones I can remember. They've been quite rightly ridiculed for their lack of imagination in using the Wiimote. Pointing at a screen isn't that revolutionary, surely you could use it in a better way?

Zack and Wiki - no! but yes! - does this. For some strange and convoluted reason the young mute pirate Zack is friends with a flying monkey/bell Wiki and they have to rescue bits of treasure. Instead of just digging around with a Bill Wyman endorsed metal detector they decide to go into various caves and get the treasure chest held within. Unfortunately said cave is filled with fiendish traps.

To sum it up it's a cross between Indiana Jones and The Adventure Game*.

In your pirate crew is a rabbit called Maddy.  Unfortunately there aren't any pics of him, think he might be missing.

And it uses the Wiimote so well. In only short space of time I've cranked, flauted, shoveled, prodded and rung the bell and it's always felt natural. There are sudden death's but unlike, normal point and clicks, because the action is split up you don't have too far to go back when restarting. And you always no why you died, the problem is just working out what to do to stop it happening again.

Captain Rose is the enemy.  But she look cute, not sure about the lipstick scar though.

So a highly imaginative game, that tests your logical & lateral thinking much more than Kawashima ever could. Perhaps it's not as replayable as other games, but that's the same of many point and clicks. I'm sure you would enjoy this just as much on it's second go as you would with Toonstruck or Monkey Island.

Six out of seven

* A far better title for the new Indie film than the one it currently has.

P.S. Eurogamer! If I'm not meant to nick your pics & put them on my flickr account let me know and I'll remove them.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

The week in twitters [slightly behind]

Nearly lost my keys through a hole in my trousers #
Need to learn hiragana by this time next week #
Just saw Private Pube and Annoying Becky holding hands. Thought he had better taste than that #
Help! I've forgotten the days of the week. Except for suiyobi #
To buy: lightspeed, marling, los camp!, lacrosse, cave, siobahn, she&he, mules, tegan #
Lunch cancelled & I haven't brought sandwiches! #
Beard gone again #
wedding list cleansing #
going to take 13 years worth of stuff i kept to be recycled. isla fisher pics aren't needed if you're married! #
need a new brolly. the last one gave up with a sudden gust #
day off... so spending it playing wow #
Mmm sticky toffee pudding #

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Learning Japanese

A: Answer phone say name of hotel
B: Ask if they have any rooms for tomorrow
A: Single or double?
B: Single
A: Yes we have a single
B: How much are they?
A: 5000 yen a night
B: Book a room for two nights
A: Ask name & phone number
B: Give details, ask if they have a pool
A: Say yes, it's in the basement
B: Ask if they have a convenience store
A: No, but there's one opposite the hotel
B: Say thanks & goodbye
A: Goodbye

In Japanese...

A: Moshi moshi, Royal Hoteru desu.
B: Ashita heya wa arimasu ka?
A: Shinguru desu ka? Daburu desu ka?
B: Shinguru o onegai shimasu.
A: Hai, shinguru desu ne.
B: Ippaku ikura desu ka?
A: Go sen en desu.
B: Shinguru nihaku o onegai shimasu
A: Hai. O namae wa? Denwa bango wa nan ban desu ka?
B: Watashi wa Ben Hall desu. Watashi no denwa bango wa ichi-rokku-rokku-san-nana-kyu desu. Kono hoteru ni puru wa arimasu ka?
A: Hai, puru wa chika desu.
B: Kono hoteru ni konbini wa arimasu ka?
A: Konbini ja arimasen. Konbini wa hoteru no ushiro desu.
B: Ah so desu. Arigato gozaimasu. Sayonara.
A: Sayonara.

B: Ask if they have a convenience store
A: No, but there's one opposite the hotel
B: Say thanks & goodbye
A: Goodbye

I need to go on this site & learn hiragana...

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Earthquake Live Blog!


Earthquake hits


Wake up, hear mention of Earthquake on the Today programme.

Watch GMtv going overboard with Earthquake coverage. Turn off sound & read games teletext.

Arrive at work


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

CSI Live Blog

Nice to see Gil's rocking the Cantona collar. Did you know Gil proposed to Sara in the episode we missed?

("Flip" - ed) no. That's why she left, kinda answers his question for him. Great! An episode dedicated to Hodges and his mind games. 'Would you let me finish!'

She said yes so I doubt it was that. I think Eads is enjoying the way he can mess around. 'Whodunnit and how?'

They should make this into a pub it-box game complete with Eads giving hints. I'd play it!

Poor guy. Must all these murders be about Henry being sweaty? Hodges seems to be upset when someone joins in with him & Wendy.

His mind did wander towards Katherine though. Can't blame him for liking Wendy. I like Wendy too. I'm guessing the cast enjoyed filming this. Rather lighthearted.

Hodges has killed Wendy off now she wants to become a field agent. Why does the gun guy always get collared for the crime?

Do you think he drops things or tie his shoe laces on purpose so he can sneak a look up her skirt? I'm loving brass giving massages. Hodges! Busted! Ha ha.

I think Mindy McBoobs likes Hodges too. I thought Gil would end up playing the game. It would be easy for him though.

Ha ha love it. Mindy McBoobs! Ha ha. Gil can win board games without even trying. Ha ha that autopsy face! 'No sign of sexual trauma!' ha ha.

Gil's finding the game fun. I reckon Hodges will give the game to Sara as an engagement gift. Another framing for Bobby!

What a lovely gift. Though Gil will ruin it as he's already played it. Think I'm going to get a t-shirt made up saying I love Wendy on the front.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Day off

Paramount graph

It's my day off so I'm digging through my boxes of junk that my Mum & Dad have brought over. In amongst my pictures of Aussie soap stars (ah Isla Fisher, Tempany Deckart and that blonde girl who went out with Lance) - which I will now be getting rid of - there was some good stuff. This map of how Paramount Comedy Shows linked together was something I did because I was bored. However I'm rather taken with it now, especially as I wrote it pre-imdb.

One day the fact that Pete Schumacher from The Garry Shandling Show was once on a episode of Flying Blind will save the world. Hey it makes more sense than stopping a cheerleader being killed.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Reviews Sunday

Tegan and Sara - Leeds Metropolitan University 23/02/2008

It's weird going to see a band you've never really listened to. The songs don't really have the same impact they would if you had spent the whole days leading up to the gig listening to their music (as usually happens with me).

And so it came to pass with Tegan & Sara. I booked the gig despite not knowing much about them & only through listening to their myspace did I decide that they sounded ok. But none of the songs stuck into my head that much so I wasn't sure if I'd enjoy it that much.

Things got off to a good start when I saw that at the merchandise stand they were selling Northern State stuff. I remember buying 'Dying In Stereo' and found it to be full of hip-hop goodness. They didn't disappoint either, being exactly what I want in a support act - lots of chatting between songs, not caring about the crowd talking over them, and having fun. Could have mentioned that their new album was produced by Ad-Rock a few less times.

Then Tegan & Sara came out (clever wording I know, cheers). And I kind of felt what it would be like to be at a Take That concert. You see, the crowd for Tegan & Sara was mostly made up of teenage lesbians who gave off an air of indifference, but when their idols came on they screamed like the Beatles at Shea Stadium.

They played songs mostly off their new album (The Con), although I wouldn't have known unless they said. And they sounded pretty good. They had good banter between songs, Tegan appeared to be the more ramblier of the two whilst Sara had the sharp one-liners.

The songs themselves were acousticky-rocky stuff that is rather popular with the younger set (non-emo non-chav division). Certainly nothing to offend the ears and definitely catchy. I shall be checking out more of their music.

Unfortunately we had to leave during the encore to catch our train (the usual excuse of me being tired), so we didn't see the whole thing. I did get to buy the new Northern State album & got it signed by Spero. Didn't ask her why she changed her name from Guinea Love though.

Five out of seven.

(Note: Poorly taken pics to be added tomorrow as my flickr uploaded is on the fritz)

Saturday, February 23, 2008

The week in twitters

The curb episode with Mac is now my favourite #
Writing a dull presentation on a dull subject (my job) #
We've not kissed, but have made up #
Just been told off because I don't want a job. I tried to tell him on Thursday but he didn't listen #
Freezing fog. The worst kind of fog. Except for exploding fog #
Hurrah! Teriyaki steak soba was the special at wagamama. #
28 tomorrow. Scary #

Friday, February 22, 2008

Fridays Feast [slightly delayed]

Have you ever played a practical joke on anyone? If so, what did you do and who was your victim?
I neither have the skill nor patience to go through with a practical joke. Either I admit to it before it happens, or it backfires on me.

What do your salt and pepper shakers look like?
Sophisticated brushed aluminium. You push down the top & it grinds them.

Where is the next place you plan to visit (on vacation or business)?
Leeds to go and see Tegan and Sara.

Main Course
What kind of lotion or cream do you use to keep your hands from getting too dry?
E45 cream as I have psoriasis.

Make up a dessert, tell us its ingredients, and give it a name.
Coma by chocolate. For diabetics.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Japanese Thursday

Luckily for you non-Japanese speakers I won't be writing a conversation today* instead I'm trying to remember hiragana. Hiragana is the intermediate level of written Japanese, with katakana the beginners (used for more English style words) and Kanji the most difficult at all.

I'm having problems as I didn't really learn katakana that well so I'm moving onto hiragana too early in my Japanese career. They're both the same in that they're phonetic ways of writing, compared to kanji's one symbol per word, but I find it really hard to remember which one each symbol relates to.

Currently I can only remember the symbols for 'i' and 'ko'. Which means I can identify carp on a menu, but that's about it.

* Actually it's probably lucky for the Japanese speakers too as my grammar isn't very good

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Birthday cake [slightly delayed]

Mario Cake

It tastes better than it looks. But I still think it looks great.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Japanese Kayoobi

A shopping conversation:

Me: T shatsu wa nan kai desu ka?
Assistant: Ni kai desu.
Me: Arrigato.
Assistant: Iie.

On the second floor.

Me: T shatsu wa doko ni arimasu ka?
Assistant: Hai, kochira no ho desu.
Me: Arrigato. Sugoi desu ne. Kore ikura desu ka?
Assistant: San man go sen yen desu.
Me: Chotto takai desu ne. Aoi T shatsu wa ikura desu ka?
Assistant: Ichi man yen desu.
Me: Chotto ookii desu. Mo sukoshi chiisai T shatsu desu ka?
Assitant: Hai.
Me: Kore o kudasai? Ii desu ne. Sugoi desu. Kono akai T shatsu kudasai.

Monday, February 18, 2008


I have the kind of headache where every time I move I feel like my head is about to split open. I think Freya thought I was putting it on to avoid the wedding list that we were doing, but I actually found that interesting. Although I'm still miffed that I'm not allowed to put an Xbox 360 on there, but I can see that it's not really a gift for nesting.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Reviews Sunday

Being 28
It's essentially a sequel to being 27, except with even more worrying about what I'm going to do in the future. And less hair.

Four out of seven.

Employment agencies
They're rubbish aren't they? First they tell you to come over to talk to them so they can see you 'face to face'. This ends up in you leaving work early, taking a train to Leeds & then spending half an hour saying stuff that is already on your cv or something that could have been said in a ten minute chat over the phone.

Then, after telling them you only really want a job that you can get to by public transport, they mention a job which would take a forty-five minute drive to Wakefield. You tell them you'll think about it and will let them know if you're interested. Next day you get a call saying they want to interview you, despite you never saying you actually want the job.

So you send an e-mail saying, you've thought about it but you don't really want to travel that far (even if you got a company car). They ring you back saying they're confused by this (why because you decided that I wanted the job EVEN THOUGH I NEVER SAID SUCH A THING) and why don't you 'suck it and see' what it's like, there's only two other people going for the job.

Foolishly you say that sounds ok, but you're not sure how you're going to get there. He suggest that perhaps you could get a lift with someone. EH? WHO WOULD I KNOW THAT WOULD TRAVEL TO WAKEFIELD EVERYDAY & BE ABLE TO GIVE ME A LIFT BACK AT 12ish?

So I'm going to ring on Monday and say thanks but no thanks. Let's see what he says about that.

(Oh yes it was about me all along!)

One out of seven

Saturday, February 16, 2008

The week in twitters

Uncle Carl can't make my wedding. Boo #
Stop calling me Benjamin #
Chris Nibbs, Chris Nibbs #
Hidden some flowers in the house #
Feel tired, but perhaps exercise would help #
Ich habe ein kopfschmerzen. Fur vier tagen. #

Friday, February 15, 2008

Fridays Feast

Name one thing that is unique about you.
I have various skin marks no-one ever appear to notice until the sixth time they talk to me and then they tell me I've got something on my face. I then rub at it for ages until I realise I'll be unable to get rid of it without paying a plastic surgeon top dollar.

Fill in the blank: My favorite _________ is __________ but I like _________ too.
My favourite Coen Brothers film is The Hudsucker Proxy but I like The Big Lebowski too (and all the other ones, even the Clooney/Zeta Jones one).

What type of wood do you have for your home’s furnishings?
I have no idea. Partly because we're renting a furnished house and partly because I'm wood clueless.

Main Course
Who do you talk to most often on the phone?
My Mum. I call every Sunday without fail. I do speak to my Dad as well, but that conversation is usually about how crap Forest are & then he passes me on to my Mum again.

What level of responsibility do you have in your job?
Hardly any. Which is just how I like it. Unless I don't get a big enough pay rise this year in which case I may ask for a bit more.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Freya's Valentine [Slightly delayed]

Luckily the flowers themselves were not late.

Valentines flowers

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


Following on from my previous set of change coincidences Freya has come up with another one. She's working with a person called Ben, who is currently 27 and has a birthday on Sunday. And so do I! Spook!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Rather stupid

I just spent over thirty quid on three games. Two of which will cost me more money if I want to continue playing them after one month. I think this means that I am rather stupid, and broke.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Reviews Sunday

This weeks review is of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas on the Xbox.

An action packed screenshot

It's Grand Theft Auto. But with a control method on the Xbox that's far worse than the method used on the previous Xbox versions.

This doesn't look like anything in the game

And I'm unable to do a mission for the blind Chinese guy because I haven't been swimming long enough to get the relevant swimming skills. This is annoying.

However the game itself is alright. It's no The Warriors though. Four out of seven.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

The week in twitters

Present deployed early. Was success! #
Work was hell. Japanese lessons less so #
Woke up feeling sick & headachey. Unfortunately now feel ok enough to go to work :( #
Exceptionally dry hands #
Bah! Radio Times has hiked its price by 10% #
Hurrah! I did leave my scarf at work & therefore haven't lost it #
Tired but I have to iron a shirt... #
Hoping I didn't leave my scarf on the train. #
Read 'the filth'. Now feel depressed #
Had to go in the yard in my pj's. It started snowing. Brrrr #

Friday, February 08, 2008

Team Fortress Poo

And Ouendan Poo.

I'm annoyed with my PC. It's so out of date that it takes 10 minutes to load Team Fortress Two and then I have to have it in the worst resolution possible to have even a chance of playing it. And I was enjoying it, until my PC crashed again at the end of the game meaning my game data was wiped. What a swizz.

It's the same with Oudendan Two. My stylus is so unresponsive that I can't get off the 'text message' song of the Elite Beat Divas levels. Gach. Although this might be more to do with my lack of rhythm than anything else.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Japanese lesson Part 1

(before I start I should point out that this is a way of killing two birds with one stone, so I can do some Japanese revision/coursework and blog)

The following is a conversation between myself and a hotel employee.

Me: Konnichiwa
Hotel Employee: Konnichiwa
Me: Puru wa nan kai desu ka?
HE: Puru wa sang kai desu. Nichiyobi wa yasumi desu.
Me: Ah so desu. Konbini wa nan kai desu ka?
HE: Konbini wa chika desu.
Me: Arrigato. Eki wa doko ni arimasu ka?
HE: Hai. Eki wa massugu itte, migi itte, massugu itte, hidari ni arimasu. Koban no ushiro desu.
Me: Arrigato gozaimasu. Sayonara.
HE: Sayonara.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Wedding card

Wedding card
Originally uploaded by uppi17
This is Freya's first attempt at a wedding invitation. She's worried that I think it looks too girly, but as we're saying we love each other I reckon a heart would be the best symbol. Also they're easy to stitch.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Exceptionally late blog

I'm very happy to report that instead of leaving my scarf on the train I actually left it at work. Also no-one stole it so I managed to get it back without any problems. My neck thanks me.

It's especially needed since I shaved my beard growth of about two weeks.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Fun with money

or funey as I like to call it.

I've had some very strange happenings when paying for gifts recently. The first one was when I got given change which consisted of EXACTLY ONE OF EVERY COIN!!!. Which meant I got 1p, 2p, 5p, 10p, 20p and 50p.

The next was that I went into one shop and got 12p change. Then went into the next one and GOT 12P CHANGE AS WELL!!!

However my favourite change related story of all time was that I once bought 6 items AND THEY ADDED UP TO £6.66 EXACTLY!!! Oh, hang on that story wasn't about change at all. Whoops.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Reviews Sunday

Hello. Today I will be reviewing The Filth by Grant Morrison.

I'm not really sure what to say about this. On one hand it's a good adventure which speeds along at a good pace. On the other hand there were bits of it they made me feel rather ill. Mostly it was the bits that involved sex. Does this mean I'm a prude? Probably.

I liked the majority of it, but I'm not liking the Anders Klimakks bit. That is all.

Four out of Seven.

I will also review Jarvis by Jarvis Cocker. Or, as I agree with everything he said, I will direct you to Matt's comment on a previous entry.

Three out of Seven.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

The week in Twitters (slightly delayed)

Blogging at a non work pc. #
Traversed the PATH OF POO! #
Just bought far too many comic books #
It's raining! Managed to smash myself in the face with my umbrella #
Nightmare washing day #
Sharp moves? Cack moves more like #
Hoping the veg shop doesn't close at five on the dot #
Apparently it was "All the presents and the gifts" #
Just ate a really manky apple. Had to swallow it or I would've looked stupid #
Did Alicia Keys just sing "The President's a git?" #
Need to remember 10 lessons of katakana and Japanese by 530 tomorrow. #
Job search 2008 is activated! #

Friday, February 01, 2008

Friday's Feast

What is your favorite kind of cereal?
Weetabix. I used to have the posters of the skinhead cartoon Weetabix characters on my wall when I was a kid. I like how mushy they get in milk.

When was the last time you purchased something for your home, what was it, and in which room did it go?
Because we're renting a furnished house we never usually get stuff for the home. I guess the last thing we got was a heart shaped photo holder thing to go on the wall.

What is the funniest commercial you’ve ever seen?
I honestly can't remember a funy advert. That Spinal Tap fake advert for Heavy Metal Memories is funny, but I've only ever seen it on the DVD extras disc.

Main Course
Make up a name for a company by using a spice and an animal (example: Cinnamon Monkey).
Are you sure it's for a company? You're not just using this to get receipe ideas? Hmmm, I'll try some Thyme Polar Bear followed by some Ginger Antelope.

Fill in the blank: I haven’t ______ since ______.
I haven't filled in a blank since the last time I filled in a blank. Probably.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Japanese day

From next week onwards every Thursday will be Japanese day where I write a very stilted conversation between two people in Japanese in order to make my quota for my Japanese course. Where I'm learning Japanese. I really think so.

As predicted by myself I was hopelessly lost today & couldn't even remember to ask people their name. So I've hit my mp3's of Japanese learning. Expect my charts to be full of such hit artists as 'BBC Japan' and 'BBC Japan CD2'.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Text Blog (delayed)

Writing this slightly late as my mobile phone wouldn't let me send a blog. It further backs up what I wrote in that failed blog. Which was that I'm having a very crap week and feel as though I'm Larry David in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

However I've got over this hump and am now embracing this period of bad luck. In fact I now feel pretty, pretty good.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

None more black

Man, I'm annoyed today. Just washed all my white work shirts in my crappy washing machine only for them all to some out with big black marks on them. So I'm going to have to buy another five/six shirts, then get the landlord to bring in a new machine.

The current one has never worked properly. It was all dirty when we moved in & has never spun round correctly. What a piece of crap.

At least we'll get our money's worth from the fifteen quid increase in rent.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Text blog

In fake news my alter-ego who is currently playing upfront for Forest (and won Euro 2008 for England) has rejected their latest contract offer. I did this by accident. I suspect Chimbonda did the same thing at Spurs and is now trying to cover his tracks. Cheerio!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Reviews Sunday

Sunday is now officially reviews day. Where I'll review things that I found during my week and then mark them out of seven (because then I can't give anything half marks*). In this inaugural edition I will be reviewing Mario Vs Donkey Kong on the GameBoy Advance.

Mario Vs Donkey Kong is based on Donkey Kong 94 which was the Game Boy game that could be played on the Super Game Boy for added graphical effects. DK94 is the game that connects 3D Mario to 2D Mario as it was in this game that Mario started to do backflips, somersaults and not really care about how many lives you had. It was also very hard and whilst easy to complete, to fully get all of the extra goodies took a lot of skill and patience. Yes, plenty of patience.

Mario Versus Donkey Kong is more of the same. But with better graphics and great sound bites**. The aim is to collect a key to get through the door, and the challenge is in all the little things that get in the way. You can also collect the three presents for an opportunity to win an extra life and completing the level with a high enough score gives you a star (apparently getting all of these unlocks expert levels, which luckily I'm nowhere near getting).

So it's Mario & Donkey Kong business as usual, except every six levels you have a section where you have to guide mini toy Marios to a toybox***. This is more of a challenge as the Mario's follow you, but can't do the same moves as you, so you have to make the level mini-friendly in a Timekeepers sort of way.

I'm rapidly losing enthusiasm for this reviews Sunday format, therefore I will end by saying that Mario Versus Donkey Kong is a worthy successor to the excellent Donkey Kong 94 and I highly recommend it to anyone. Six out of seven.

"Thank you very much for to reading my reviewsis."

* Unless you count zero as a mark, in which case three would be a half mark. But I'm not so it's not. Perhaps tomorrow I'll explain my scoring system. Hopefully not.

** They're really great. Charles Martinet really earns his money on this one. When starting the 'plus' levels Mario says "Here we go again. Again."

*** There's a vague plot about DK getting annoyed with Mario having his own toyline. In a first for a Mario game (probably) the Princess DOESN'T get kidnapped. Just some toys.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

The Week In Twitters

Ordered Freya's valentines present #
making ringtones about MEATBAWLS!!! #
Am wearing a slightly glittery shirt to work #
Yay! Oscar is out! #
Had a good appraisal. Just need to convert it into money #
Think I've dislocated a tooth. Is that even possible? #
Did I really just hear someone mention 'Chutes and Ladders'? #
Dressed and ready to go out by noon. Ah Saturday how I've missed you #

Friday, January 25, 2008

Friday's Feast

How many times per day do you usually laugh?
On average? About five ish. Normally I'm laughing when I'm with Freya. Work, not so much. So I'd guess the par score for laughs goes up on the weekends.

What do your sunglasses look like?
I do not wear sunglasses. This might explain why my eyes are failing. That or too much time watching telly/on the PC. I must get back into books!

You win a free trip to anywhere on your continent, but you have to travel by train. Where do you go?
Let's go on the Orient Express. That way the train would be a pretty good holiday in itself. I would suggest a trip a la The Darjeeling Limited, but going from England to India by train would really wear me out.

Main Course
Name one thing you consider a great quality about living in your town/city.
I can walk into town to work and it only takes me twenty minutes.

If the sky could be another color, what color do you think would look best?
Purple. I have no reason why.

Thursday, January 24, 2008


Things I keep meaning to blog about but forget to. # Japan # Baseball # Baseball in Japan # MeatBAWLS! # Being an idiot # Being a massive idiot # Music # Advance Wars # Super Mario Galaxy # Work # My teeth hurting

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Drop Sprogs

From having no-one babies ben loves babies! he wants a sprogling! a bear cub to call his own - erm sorry about that, I think Freya interrupted me there. From having none of my friends/work colleagues being with child I've had a run of people in such a situation.

I think there's about nine people at work who have just had kids, three who are about to have kids and my hairdresser has just dropped a sprog as well. I'm not taking the hint, even though I think I'd be a good Dad I just couldn't deal with my sleep being interrupted all the time. The annoying brat next door waking me every ten days with her crying is winding me up enough already. If I knew the crying was my responsibility and that I had to get up to make it stop I think I would be complaining about being tired much more than I am already.

I do look forward to a time when I'm so tired that I have afternoon naps. Unfortunately at the moment I feel tired enough to sleep, but never actually do it. Mostly because I'm at work when the mood takes me.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Championship Manager

I know I should be more positive and happy in these blogs, but I think I'm like Mr. Biffo in that I always see the worst in everything, or I at least I do when I'm writing this in the evening.

So I had my appraisal this morning and it went very well. The thing that worried me most was that my manager said "You've got a laid back style, but people still do work if you ask them to do it. That will be interesting to see how it works out when you're managing people yourself."

Me as a manager? Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Monday, January 21, 2008

When I was about 11 years old and lived in Germany I was a latchkey kid and went home to an empty house after school. One time I got stopped by a Dutch guy in his car, this wasn't that unusual as we lived very close to the Dutch border. He asked me for directions to the local football ground, which was about 15 minutes walk away. I pointed him in the right direction, but he wanted me to get in his car and point out the way.

Luckily I was smart enough to know that this wasn't right so I lied and said that my Mum was waiting for me, so I had to get back. He didn't try anything else, but I rushed home whilst reciting the number plate to write down when I got in. I got home safely and wrote it down on the pad by the phone. Then I went to watch Knightmare or something.

Half an hour later my Mum and Dad got home & we had tea. At around seven-ish my Mum asked what the strange writing was on the pad. "Oh yeah" I said matter-of-factly "Some guy tried to stop me on the way home". Mum went a bit crazy and quickly rang the police.

Apparently the guy was well known for it, but I'm not sure if he was arrested or anything. Certainly all I said to the police was what I wrote above.

But anyway. Those Dutch eh? Crazshy Guysh.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Late again

Bah. The Long Blondes gig at Fibbers has sold out. Now if I want to see them I have to go to the Evil Faversham or the far away Leeds Uni. Don't think I can be bothered really. Some music fan I am.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

The week in twitters

Wrestlecrap radio has reminded me of Sunny Beach #
Who is Paul Thomas Coates? And why does he want to be my friend on facebook? #
Just booked our log cabin for our honeymoon #
In Norwich. Wish I wasn't #
The travel inn hotel needs harder pillows #
And their plug sockets are too low to the floor #
50 minute wait in Peterborough. Great (irony) #
Now minus two wisdom teeth #
Anastethic (sp?) worn off. Ow this really hurts. Time to hit the tablets #
Logging into facebook as I can't access the twitter website #

Friday, January 18, 2008

Fridays Feast

What is your favorite beverage?
Coke-a-cola. Not diet, and definitely not Pepsi. Just the best ever drink at rotting your teeth and cleaning your toilets.

Name 3 things that are on your computer desk at home or work.
At work: Calculator, Transformers Bumblebee keyring, Sylvester McCoy Doctor Who figure
At home: 94 Euro, Ice Climbers pin decoration, Barbie sticker from the Dentist

On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how honest do you think you are?
7/10. I am still wary with what to say on the Jeans/Fat issue.

Main Course
If you could change the name of one city in the world, what would you rename it and why?
Gotham City in Batman should be renamed Gotham, but as in Gotham Nottinghamshire. Which would mean that it's now pronounced Goat-ham.

What stresses you out? What calms you down?
Pretty much anything can stress me out. But time heals all wounds. And calms me down.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Doing things by halves

I heard some people talking about when you feel you're old enough to no longer talk about your age in terms of halves and quarters. I don't think I've ever done that which means I must be very mature.

At least, part of me is. Did I mention my wisdom teeth have only just come through and I had them taken out yesterday? And I'm 27 and three quarters.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Two less teeth

My mouth hurts badly
Two wisdoms taken out fast
I hate my Uncle

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Posting with tired eyes

On this day I was too tired to write a proper blog as I woke up four/five times during the night because the hotel's pillows were far too soft.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Posting in arrears

On this day I was exceptionally tired due to getting up at 5.30 to catch the train to Norwich. Then I attended an hour long meeting and then did nothing for four hours.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

It's Business Time

Tomorrow I have to get up at 5.30 so I can get a train to Peterborough at 7, wait in Peterborough station for an hour and then get a train to Norwich. It's for work. I'm a little worried about what will happen as I've revised a report and instead of saying we save around £1.4m each month we're actually only saving just under £0.5m. I expect they will resort to violence to make me change my mind, however I know I have truth and justice on my side and will not be wavering.

So I will not be blogging tomorrow (well I will, but when I get home on Tuesday). In order to help you pass the time whilst you constantly press F5 on my homepage I point you towards This has the interactive game MASQ which is like a choose your own adventure book, but without swords and dragons and with rufty, clothes and the inability to bookmark a page so you can go back to it if you make a mistake. I highly recommend it.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

The week in twitters

Unable to shut mouth on the right hand side. Will book appointment with Uncle/Dentist. #
Only 1gig left on the pc. Spring cleaning will come early... #
Able to close mouth so maybe I was being dentally hypochondric #
Waiting for my dentist/Uncle to call me back. Am scared to leave my desk #
I reckon my wisdom teeth are coming through, hence the pain #
Hoping my wisdom teeth need to be taken out. It may be a week of soup, but it will be a week off! #
Having to change 20 passwords at work #
Getting ready for the return of CSI. Teeth still hurt #
CSI is starting now. Will Sara be ok? #
Phew! Having a mega busy day at work #
Saw a schoolkid with an iphone. Felt upset for his parents. #
Yesterday: Nose dripping like a leaky tap. Today: More bunged up than Terry Vegetables #
Working past five for the first time this year. #
Just had a very stressful lunch :( #

Friday, January 11, 2008

Friday Feast

What is your middle name? Would you change any of your names if you could? If so, what would you like to be called?
My middle name is David. I would not change it as I like that my first name has three syllables, my middle name has two and my surname has one. I feel it has a nice cadence because of this. I realise I am a geek.

If you were a fashion designer, which fabrics, colors, and styles would you probably use the most?
Green. I have no other fashion ideas.

What is your least favorite chore, and why?
Not too sure. I'm a bit crap at tidying up after myself. And I don't like chopping carrots, they make my hands feel weird.

Main Course
What is something that really frightens you, and can you trace it back to an event in your life?
I have two examples of this. Firstly I'm wary of stickers being on my skin, this is from when I gave money to a clown for charity and he put a charity sticker on my nose. Perhaps I should be scared of clowns because of this, but the sticker was more traumatic.

I'm also scared of icy paths, because I fell over once and bashed my head somewhat rotten. This is a more rational fear, but I shouldn't be walking about like I've broken both legs just because it's slightly cold.

Where are you sitting right now? Name 3 things you can see at this moment.
I am sitting in the spare bedroom on a stool (that reminds me I should buy a decent desk chair soon). I can see about 70 Euro. My Black Power tongue scraper. An Emmy The Great flyer.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Ball Ball Ball

In fake football news* I have just become injured for nine weeks with a groin strain. It's a bit annoying as Forest were top of the league, but now we're sinking like a heavy thing without good weight distribution. I'm currently valued at just over £30m and have over £10m in the bank. Shows what I could have done if I only applied myself.

I like the way how my blog post is seen in the picture.  I believe this is 'meta'

* From New Star Soccer 3

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Boring Work Post

I will be moving desks next week. The main annoyance about this is that my current PC has 2 gig of memory but my new PC will have 256 mb. This means that it will now take about eight times as long to do my usual tasks. I am upset about this*.

In other work news I did some useful work today. Believe me that's news in my current job.

* And annoyed, but I guess that came out in me calling it an annoyance.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Black Power!

Black Power!
Originally uploaded by uppi17
This is in reply to Matt's best Christmas present. I'm not sure if this means I win. I reckon probably not.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Friends in strange places

Well, I suppose I shouldn't say 'friends', what I mean is 'stuff I accidentally found that made me feel much better about myself'.

There was the article by Guy Haley in the latest issue of Death Ray about the future of the world. It's come at a time when I felt very depressed about the future of the planet, but Guy's article made me optimistic for what will happen. Apart from when he ended it with the Sun blowing up.

Then listening to the Long Blondes album made me happy that I was marrying someone I loved very much. This was something I wasn't depressed about, but with Kate Jackson singing her songs about cheating on people cheered me up. Because I'm not going to be like that.

Finally watching an old Who Do You Think You Are with Matthew Pinset calmed my nerves as well. Mostly because he found out he was decended from Jesus.

Other than those my teeth hurt. And my dentist cancelled as he was 'shaking like a shitting dog'. Cheers for that.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

songs to add

Since I've bought my ipod nano I've had a few problems. Mostly with it not connecting to correctly, but I've also had to reformat it quite a few times. Now the problem I have is that I only have 8 gig of space which is miniscule in comparison to the 60 gig that my creative player had. So I have to decide which albums to put on my pod. I need a good mix of old stuff that I like, old stuff I bought but never got round to properly listening to, and new stuff I like.

I have decided on the following core albums (eventually I'll choose separate tracks, but I can't be arsed to do this at the moment):
  • Lush - lovelife (got a massive jonesing for 500 after seeing one on Top Gear)
  • Chicks - Criminals, chicas etc (actually I haven't got this, but I'm sure I read it's available to buy somewhere)
  • Jarvis - Jarvis (got this last Christmas but still haven't listened to it properly)
  • Long Blondes (bought this in Manchester a year & a bit ago but only listened to the singles - and they're playing in York!)
  • Angelica - The Seven Year Itch (bought this in a HMV in Leeds but as they'd split up by that point I couldn't be bothered with it)
  • Solex - all three albums (I like Solex so I will put it on)
  • Steve Malkmus - Face The Truth (I like no more shoes)
  • Petra Haden (her voice soothes* me)
I'm sure I'll still have lots of space but that will do for now. What do you have on your limited space mp3 players readers?

* I originally put 'sooths' me, which sounded very Frankie Howerd

Saturday, January 05, 2008

The week in twitters

Idea stolen from suki.

  • Back on twitter! Going to have an afternoon nap due to Xmas flu. #
  • Still bunged up with cold. Still playing Super Mario Galaxy. #
  • Shaved off my Christmas beard. Still feel like crap but will go into work tomorrow. #
  • Been to work but went home due to illness and boredom. #
  • Off to the shops to buy some coke & batteries for the wiimotes. #
  • 2008 appears to be the year where I'll be constantly tired & not have a clue what's going on. #
  • Feeling jetlagged. Body clock is out of sync due to this damned cold. #
  • Going to the doctors. Have three ailments to talk about. #
  • Two prescriptions given. Only rest is needed for my cold. So I'm going to work. #
  • finding the new donnas album rather lacking in rock. now off to bed! #
  • Having an absolute stinker of a headache. #
  • Still got the headache. Tablets aren't working. #
  • Illness update: Had a hot flush but has now been replaced by a suspected dislocated jaw. Ouch. #