NBPM 5a : mobile

As I will be in London over the next three days I need to see if I can do some mobile blogging. This entry is a test to see if this will work.

NBPM4 : Patricia Etiquette

In blogging, as with everything I do, I do a half arsed job. Whilst I'm perfectly competent in writing hugely self indulgent rambling blogs about how I feel tired all the time* and how I don't understand why people play music really loud on trains, I never do the other part of the job well.

I never promote myself.

Sure, I've signed up to NaBloPoMo, but do you know how many comments I've posted on my fellow Blomers blogs? Well I expect you can guess as this post is about me not doing stuff, but I'll confirm your bang-on suspicions. It's zero.

I have no reason why I don't comment. Other than I'm extremely lazy. And I have problems thinking of something witty to say. On Friday I had to sign someone's leaving card** only to spend about 20 minutes totally at a loss for something to say. And then when I did think of something I got totally sidetracked and put in a word that made the whole sentence lose it's tarpaulin rhythm.

I will try to promote myself a bit better in the future. Online and off. Especially a pay review comes up in the new year and Daddy needs a 360. And a honeymoon.

* Except I haven't today, as I actually felt alright.

** Actually I was signing her leaving card in front of the person who was leaving. Mostly because there were only three people in her team and she wanted me to sign it. I think she fancies me. She added about 50 kisses after my name too. I hope she doesn't fling this in Freya face when the registrar gets to the 'does anyone object to the marriage' bit.

NBPM3: Kopfschmerzen

As well as feeling tired I now have a stinking headache. Even worse it's one where headache/ibuprofen tablets are unable to help.

As it's Freya's birthday today I am taking her to a Japanese restaurant where they serve vegetable tempura. Then we will be going to see Stardust at the local cinema which has conveniently decided to start showing it this week, even though it's been out for about a month.

I will be trying to not scrunch my eyes up thus showing I still have a headache.

NBPM2: Bloodloss

So I went to the doctors. It went as expected, apart from that because he was German he was very honest about what he could diagnose.

"Well, you feel tired, but you don't have a loss of appetite, you don't have headaches, you don't have shortness of breath or anything else I asked you about. What do you want me to do?"

I have to admit saying "I feel tired, my head feels treacly" isn't much for him to go on.

We got onto the depression thing which frankly makes me feel depressed that they keep asking me that. Do I really look that glum?

He took some blood and will be testing if I'm anaemic, diabetic or something else.

"The problem is if I take your blood and the results come back negative will you worry more that you've got something else that it didn't pick up?"

Probably. I am going through a bout of hypochondria at the moment.

NBPM1: Tiredness

For some reason I agreed to sign up to NaBloPoMo again, which means you'll get a whole month of me writing rubbish stuff. Except for this first entry I'm going to write about me feeling tired.

It's terrible but I'm feeling tired all the time. It's especially bad on weekends when I just want to take naps instead of going out for walks with Freya. The problem is I don't feel physically tired, it's more that my head feels totally muddled and it needs to have a lie down.

It's especially bad because when you go to the doctor you complain about feeling tired and their first conclusion is stress. Except I generally leave work by half four, have probably the skiviest job ever and don't ever feel worried about work. So maybe it's my diet, this could be true but I think my diet's probably the healthiest it's ever been. I don't eat as much meat as I used to, but I doubt that has a big effect.

So I'm going to the doctors tomorrow for another non-diagnosis. Hopefully he will prescribe cake.

Snoozeville, ZZ

I'm exceptionally tired today. Admittedly, I could be a very poor attempt to not have to do any revision for my first ever highly important Insurance Exam. However as it's multiple choice I've fooled myself into I can bluff it.

The reason why I'm tired is not because of the Los Campesinos! gig, as I got back at about 11pm from that. It's also not because I stayed up a bit later to watch the Peter Serafinowicz Show I recorded. No it was because the idiot students next door played music next door until 12.40pm. Although I don't think it was music as all I could hear was one bass note being played repeatedly.

Either way it makes it hard to go to sleep.

Luckily the baby who lives in the other house next door is currently behaving so I had a lie-in until 8.

What's happened to me? I used to be able to sleep until at least 10 every Saturday & Sunday. Now I seem to wake up incredibly early no matter how tired I felt when going to sleep the day before. Which means my weekends are now filled with me walking around the house feeling too tired to even go for a walk to the park with Freya. Bah.

Oh and for regular readers who are wondering why they didn't notice the two posts below before, it because I've only just put them up. I was trialling wordpress' blogging software to see how good it was. As I've now written on here I think you can guess how I found it.

Fointy Pinger

I have managed to trap my left middle finger in the door. Along with burning it on the George Foreman grill yesterday. I am now uneasy as to what will happen to it tomorrow.

I may just chop it off to save any bother. This would also make doing the Vulcan hand signal a lot easier.

Burger Time Deluxe

So I took my good friend Rachel out for lunch yesterday. Being a true gentleman I allowed her to pick where we were going. She fancied a burger. Luckily there was a new Gormet Burger place to go to, so we'd thought we'd give it a try.

I got a little worried as we approached as I could see a minster fm sign in the window. They weren't doing a live show in there were they? Luckily they weren't, but there was a guy with a microphone who I guess would be interviewing people.

Rachel & I were shown to a table, sat down and ordered some drinks. We were told our table number (perhaps they should've put it on the table) and then directed to the counter where we could place our food order. Eh? Couldn't the waitress who took our drink order take our food order? Apparently not.

So I ordered the food and as I went to pay I was told not to bother because as I was one of the first twenty-five customers at the restaurant they were paying for it. Cleverly they didn't do this before I ordered as then I would've ordered two lots of chips (at two quid each!!!), and probably some extra sauce (at 1 pound 75 pence each!!!!) as well.

The burgers came out and they were very nice. My lamb burger was very meaty, too big to eat using your hands so you had to use cutlery (which never feels right with a burger). The chips were good, reasonable portions and tasted like school chips (which is A Good Thing). One bad thing was that the minty relish they used was very vingary but - hey!! - it was free so why am I complaining?

The free meal was obviously a ploy to get us to tell everyone about the restaurant which I did, but I included with the caveat that it was good for free, but at eight quid for a burger and no chips? Nein danke.

On a related note, the thing I learnt from QI was that the German national anthem doesn't begin "Deutschland, Deutschland uber alles". Ich bin sehr upset. I thought this was the best first line for a national anthem ever, but apparently it was only in around Nazi times ("Nazis, I hate those guys" - Dr. Jones) that this was sung.

Why was it cut out? National anthems for me should be sung only when you're telling everyone your country is the best. Saying you're above everything pretty much declares that. Asking God to save your Monarch? Now that's shameful.

Dream cycle number 4

I usually have absolutely no memory of any dreams that I have while I'm asleep. This is usually a blessing as I am still haunted by two dreams I had when I was about six years old. One involved me riding a motorbike with Gremlins clinging to my face and making the ride really scary. The other was a very weird one where I ate a Ghostbusters lolly - even though I knew it was wrong - which then caused my eyes to go blotchy, similar to when you rub your eyes loads. Then a big curtain fell down and ghosts came out.

Bear in mind I had never watched Ghostbusters or Gremlins until I was at least fifteen. These dreams came solely from my fevered mind and possibly catching a bit of the poster when it was being advertised.

I am pleased to announce that my most recent dreams have been very pleasant. Most strange in what happened, but I've never woken up in a sweat screaming for my Mum from them.

One involved me chatting to TV's famous weather strumpet at some sort of castle (I presume it was Alton Towers). Claire then introduced Emmy The Great, who was playing her guitar to some kids while she was riding a pink flamingo boat ride. As I wanted to speak to Emmy and annoy her with some geeky fanboy worship I walked behind the flamingo along the tracks.

My second dream involved me chatting to Rilo Kiley in a hotel room, which then quickly changed to me walking through a shopping mall, then I noticed two people wearing Double Denim. Seeing a 'quad' of denim made me think of a 'lay-on-lay'. So then I wandered through the mall singing 'Lay-on-Lay-on-Lay' to the tune of 'ole, ole, ole, ole'. Which resulted in me interrupting a wedding by singing this and having a crowd of people following me.

Freya says I cannot do this at our wedding. Even though it was The Best Thing Ever. I had a massive smile on my face all day.

What dreams have you had recently readers? And did they involve obscure songs from kids tv shows?

Another total shower

After not updating for two weeks my page has shown an increase in number of viewers. This just goes to show something, and for once I know what that shows. However, I am now prepared for the drop in viewers as I write my latest blog.

I think my bad luck with showers is continuing. Recently the skin on my hands and eyes started getting bad again. My hands got really dry and started itching. In fact, my fingerprints have totally changed when this first happened three years ago. Finally I can admit to that big job I done where I got my mate right strung up like a kipper.

My eyes are even worse. They get really sore so I inadvertently rub them, causing the skin to peel off. Then they start to weep. Which makes me want to rub them even more. Eventually I end up with eyelids like a lizard. It made for interesting pictures from my University days when my eyes always seemed glazed over.

So anyway, my skin started getting bad again so I went to the Doctors. As usual they were useless. They didn't offer me any cream for my eyes other than the standard E45 (which I can get anywhere) and just asked me questions about if I was happy at work and at home. Stress might play a part, but I've never felt worried enough about work to keep me up at night. I guess as I'm near prime suicide age that came into play too.

Luckily I had someone without medical expertise on the case, but someone who could solve the problem. It was Freya. Who asked "Have you changed shampoo." Except with a question mark at the end of her sentence.

No I hadn't but I had changed back to my old shower gel - Original Mint Source. So I went back to another shower gel. Hands went back to normal straight away, eyes are taking a bit longer but are no longer weepy.

But shame on you Original Mint Source! Why don't you say anything about the fact your product causes bad reactions in those with delicate skin. Oh, it says 'Uses essential oils which causes reaction in some skin types'. So I went through two years of terrible skin due to my inability to read. Thanks eyes. Thighs.

Larry David Walk

Oh dear. Another LD-style incident for myself today. Walking around town at lunch I saw a very cute redhead, which as we know, turned my head. To be honest I was staring rather slack-jawed towards her. It was only as she walked past I realised that her arm had been amputated and she had no right hand.

Hopefully she realised I was only staring at her because she was gorgeous not for the other reason. Either way I was wrong for staring. I apologise cute one handed redhead.

Prime Vs Webb

So we went to see The Bourne Ultimatum tonight. It was great, the only problem for me was that the pace never let up. Bourne was always running, fighting, driving and sometimes I think it could've helped by slowing down a bit. However, that's a minor problem. Everything else about it is excellent. Definitely better than the last film I saw.

Except it didn't have giant robots that changed into cars, so Transformers was actually better.

Sorry Matt.

Watabe news

Date: Thursday 5th June 2008

Time: 5pm

Location: The Merchant Adventurers Hall, York

Bride: Freya Stephanie Aimee Whiteley

Groom: Benjamin David Hall

Cost: Quite a bit, but well worth it

Attendance: Let me know and I'll see if I can get you in

Currently Listening to: Emmy the Great

Mood: Excited!

Tiredness rating: zz out of ZZZZZ

Eagle Vs Ben Vs Predator Vs Army of Darkness Vs Freya (sewing edition)

Freya & I don't fight that much. Or rather, we try to avoid fighting. Usually when I feel myself getting angry or stressed about something I go to another room, grumble to myself and then come back refreshed. Freya on the other hand always keeps it to herself until it comes out (usually accompanied by tears).

However I feel that the most recent dispute we've had needs to be settled. Who is the best at sewing?

Freya's entry:

Made last weekend, this yellow Cat Doll was inspired by Lost at Sea, by Bryan Lee O'Malley which is apparently rather good. I've yet to read it, as Freya keeps it on her side of the bed and due to the fight I'm unable to cross the bed border.



Cat Doll was filled with quinoa, and is made out of yellow fabric. Freya says that next time she makes Cat Doll she will do the face first before sewing up.



Ben's entry:

The unofficial Nottingham Forest FC felt pencil case. Made fourteen years ago at school under sewing tuition from my Dad. This unique design shows a strange type of tree where the trunk is as wide as the tree itself. Also renaming Forest 'Fores' is an obvious dig at those who call the team Notts Forest.



The back has an interesting play on the umbro logo and due to space & time restrictions the sponsors name is spread over two lines rather than the obvious one.



So which one is best? I'll leave it up to you to decide.

No man's (hair) is an Island

I'm now fully resigned to the fact that I will be bald within five years. My temples are getting higher and higher every time I get my haircut. I'm not surprised by this as everytime I wash my hair I seem to leave a thin covering of hair in the bath. Seriously, it's like Chewbacca was molting in there.

This wasn't such a problem when my hair was growing at a similar rate, but it looks as though it's now given up the effort.

The main problem is that, because the temples are rising yet my front locks are staying in place I'm going to end up with an Island of hair on the top of my head. In short I'm going to look like this guy:

Ben, five years later, yesterday*

Or the guy from Super Tennis who looked as though he had a coin slot in his head.

Either way, I'm fully prepared for it. At least I'll save myself paying nearly thirty quid for a haircut by getting Freya to do it with some clippers. And I won't have to worry about whether the hairdresser fancies me or not as (hopefully) Freya still will when I'm bald.

* Seeing Yordan Lechkov reminds me how happy I was when he scored against Germany. I actually ran out into the street in our German village and shouted at the top of my lungs. Strange that at Germany 2006 I actually wanted Germany to do better than England. And probably will for every other tournament from now on.

Tweezer homes league

You may recall that last month I was mildly annoyed by how long it took to go through baggage check at Stansted airport. However, it remained at a mild level of annoyance as I realise that it's best that people don't get on board with things that can blow up, or that they can stab people with.

I've never been someone who gets properly furious at these checks. Even when security found some nail clippers in my bag & threw them away I didn't get upset. I knew the rules and I should've put them in my main bag.

Now I've lost all respect for them. Because I've been breaking airport security for the past year and never been caught.

Alright, so it was only a pair of tweezers. And they were wedged securely into a front pocket of my bag, but you'd have thought that at least one person who did security at Manchester, Paris (twice), Narita-Tokyo, Stansted or Munich airports would have noticed that it was in my bag.

Like TV license detector vans I now believe the security machines at airports to have absolutely nothing within them.

I'm now off to sneeze uncontrollably. Bye!

List me do

My blogging skills (if you could ever call them that) have completely vanished. I also need an ability to write a CV that will make CIMA think that I've had enough experience as an accountant to become fully qualified. I expect even a blank piece of paper will make CIMA think this as the yearly membership fees pretty much double once you're fully qualified.

Anyway, seeing how I've run out of things to say I'm going to the lazy guide to blogging and see if they have any ideas for... Hmmm, no not really had any interesting food, nothing funny happened at work*, ah this one sounds easy enough to do.

New things I have bought this week

• Scott Pilgrim 2. Seeing how play didn't have this in stock when I ordered it, I got it from my local comic shop. Which took two weeks to arrive. It's very good though & is the only comic book that Freya likes. Sorry Gillen I tried.
• An Optimus Prime mask that makes me sound like a very camp robot. I still love it though.
• The latest SFX came through the post. It looks alright, but I'm really starting to like DeathRay. Except that it has about five highly self indulgent pages and very poor page design.

That's all I can think of. Cheerio!

* Although I did make someone laugh by saying "A lot of people have been born in Germany". I foolishly left out an important word "A lot of English people..."

A total shower

Just spent a long weekend in Munich. Was highly enjoyable, but three annoying things happened:

• Missed on Kieron Gillengan and Jamie McKelvie's comic signing at Travelling Man. Bah.
• Stayed at the Hilton in Munich. Which sounds good, except it had a shower that never stayed at the same temperature. This resulted in constant Fat Boy Slim style mixing of the hot and cold taps. And me nearly burning my feet off.
• Flew with Easyjet. Was delayed both times. The second time it was because the tyres went flat when the passengers got on board. So Easyjet had to fly spare tyres in from Stansted. Resulting in a five hour delay. Meaning that (once we got through a massive passport check at Stansted) we got home at half ten rather than four thirty.

Other than that, beer is amazing. And I want to work in Japan.

Time for a joke

I remember a letter in Amiga Power that mentioned the best line to say when someone mentioned Timbuktu. It was: "Tim bucked two? I haven't even bucked one yet!"

I had a similar joke which I had never had the opportunity to use. Until today. Gary was moaning about how everyone at the office was away next week.

"Ben's off. Craig's off. Matt's off. Helen's off."

I saw my chance.

"Dino's off too."

Gary looked at me strangely as though he was trying to work out who the hell Dino was in our team. Then he realised. And laughed.

So it was a funny joke. My work there was done.

Unfortunately it was 11 and I had to stay for another four and a half hours.

SQUASH UPDATE:

Last week I finally beat Natalie at squash, but it was decided that this was because she had eaten two sandwiches rather than one. Indeed we drew again today. After I went 3 games ahead & then faded A-Rod style to let Natalie draw three all. I did manage to smash the ball against the back wall and reach the front wall which was a personal target I managed to hit.

But then I played Helen who was rather good at squash and she wiped the floor with me. Bah.

Boo Radleys, JATMC, Oasis

I'm incredibly rubbish at doing anything that involves creating anything. My artistic side has never developed past drawing people with googly cartoon eyes. As soon as I could I got rid of my Art and Technology lessons for German and Double Science.

I can remember my Dad teaching me ("posh word for sewing" - ed) in Middle School. For this we had to design and make our own pencil case. So I did one about Nottingham Forest. Except with my amazing foresight and planning I did the kit sponsors name too big so it had to go on two lines. It read:

Shipsto-
nes

And, yes, I cared so little about my work that I put the hyphen in.

In art I can distinctly recall my art teacher being really impressed with a feather I was sketching in chalk/charchol. Apparently I was quite good at copying the individual lines of the feather. But I decided that this was because we were coming up to choosing our options for GCSE and he wanted me to choose Art. And I wanted to get as far away from Art as possible.

Which is why I was dreading Friday at work. Because, in some weird attempt at 'team bonding' it was decided that we would paint a local charity's office. Having no interest in DIY I was not happy about having to do this. This pretty much nullified any chance of success the day was going to have in making me part of the team.

It didn't help that the rooms we had to paint had desks that were too big for the rooms (making it impossible to open the door fully or put ladders up), had cork boards that we had to take down using scrapers (leaving my hand bloody and the wall looking terrible) and that I was so rubbish at painting that the original paint colour was still peeking through.

So my handyman career ended the same day it began. However thinking about it I have created one thing I think looks alright. It's a Sophie Ellis Bextor desktop background. Here it is: